You can't? or you won't?

Can't does not equal won't.

So often I talk to someone and they tell me they
"can't" do something. In actuality, it's not that
they can't do it, but rather they won't do it.

It is interesting how these two words in an
unconscious context seem to have become
synonymous. For that reason, I thought it
would be a worthy topic of conversation.

Can't means unable. There is some reason
that one is unable to do something. The
opposite of can't is able, which means that
a person is actually able to do whatever the
thing is: he has the ability to do it.

Now a person may say that the reason he
can't is because he won't do it. However
being unwilling to do it is not the same as
having the inability to do it. One may have
the inability to do it "perfectly" or the way
one would like, but one is still able.

When someone says they can't do something
that they're really "just" unwilling to do, it
comes from a place of weakness because
the person isn't taking responsibility for what
he is really feeling. The person is at the mercy
of the person or the situation, and may even
feel victimized.

It may not be easy to choose "won't" because
there is a layer of self discovery that becomes
uncovered, and it may be uncomfortable. However,
won't is powerful in a way because it comes from
within, and it is something that a person chooses,
instead of it being chosen for him.

In a way it is easier to blame it on someone
else or something else, then to have to look
within (and, yes, sometimes it does suck!).
I heard an expression once that was something
akin to you can have the things you want, or
you can have your excuses as to why you don't
have them.

When you say you can't do something, you are
allowing your reasons to guide your experience
of life. I am not going to say that we should
have everything we want, however I believe there
are many times that things we could have
(perhaps not in a perfect way, but we could still
have them) we give up way too easily to outside
forces and influence. The preferred way is the
"easy" way, however the easy way isn't always
the best one for us, and it is one that when
relinquished with a "can't" lets us off the hook.

There is no judgment here, just perspective.
Life is about what works, and if using can't
instead of won't works for you, then far be it
from me to suggest a change. However, I
often have seen how it doesn't work, and
people settle way too easily and find themselves
unsatisfied with results.

You might be amazed how being willing to
allow for a little more work and/or seeming
imperfection feels better than allowing a
forfeit of something you truly want, and could
have, if you just allowed yourself to make a
shift. It may mean risking disappointment
or potential failure, at the same time if you
want it, shouldn't it be worth the risk? And
think about this...what are the odds of that
thing you are holding onto with your "can't"
leaving you feeling disappointed or like a
failure at some point?

Odds are it already is.

Changing one four letter word for another could
change everything. The question is: are you
willing to do it?

Might I be so bold as suggest that
you are worth having what you want,
and that you should never let
a four letter word stop
you from attaining it?