Evolving

I recently posted this elsewhere. Now I thought I would share this here. In some ways, I feel relieved. I wasn't sure for the longest time that I wanted to take the steps I am now taking, but life is making it clear that it is time. The words that eluded me up until now flowed as I wrote the following.

As you read it, you will become clear about where I am these days. I am not clear about exactly what happens next, however if you are interested in staying in touch with me, you can contact me and we will see what we can do to arrange an on going connection. I have thought for a while that there may be some of you that I met this way who might want to be a part of what is next. If you are one of those, just email me and let me know. You can use the gift card address in the graphic in the right column to communicate.

Please know that NF prohibits me from taking current customers to a new platform, so if we were to connect in a way that was financial, that will still be the place to do it. The email is not a way for us to skirt my agreement with them.

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It is incredible to see how life sometimes has a mind of its own and takes us in unanticipated directions. I wasn't sure a year ago what I would be doing at this point, however, I am not entirely surprised by where I have wound up.

For some time now, I have debated about what to do regarding erotic hypnosis. I was never the type to pursue people, and given my gentle approach, many otften found themselves elsewhere. Good for them, if their choices made them truly happy.

When I first started being Isis, it was a role I played. Isis has always had parts of me in her, but "Isis" as a Domme was never truly who I was. I came to it as something fun and sensual, as something enjoyable for both me - and for the person I would hypnotize. I never imagined how twisted things could become. To say I got quite the education the last few years would be an understatement of significant proportion.

It has often been disheartening for me to watch some so caught up in the fetish that they lose sight of themselves. I find that so many people have so much to offer the world, and whatever that is can often be buried, sidelined or forgotten in the erotic hypnotic quest. I have often appreciated the fact that the role that I assumed allowed me to be helpful to those who were open to the help that I could offer. Some declined. Whatever the reaction, it was always respected, as I recognize that people are wherever they are for whatever reason they happen to be there.

Some I have spoken to have stretched my limits. I never went farther than I was comfortable, but now that I have been away from it for a while, my comfort level has rolled back significantly. I no longer want to play the role that many would like of me to the extent that I used to, any way. Even if there is a place some would want to be, I am uncomfortable being the one taking them there.

It may sound like I am judging what some do. The fact is that the only judgment I am making is the one that involves me. I am judging where *I* fit. I never really felt like I fit before, and now I don't feel like I fit at all. Add to that what is going on in my life at the moment and I don't have it in me to play at that level any more and I want to "play" at a dfferent level these days. I see how amazing life can be for those who are ready to go past a level of horniness, and it is an amazingly beautiful thing. It is my belief that the world needs people to be involved and engaged and I have seen way too many lost to the suggestions of others and lost to themselves. I wouldn't blanketedly say it was a "bad" thing, but many have come back to me and have told me that it was/is bad for them.

Given how I feel I do not see how I can continue as before. I could have just left and not said anything, but from what I hear there are those silent ones who care about me and what is going on with me. And despite the fact that I have said others could be in touch with me, many have chosen to remain silent, so there really isn't an easy way to let those who care know what is going on.

I have been gradually building to this point, and I suspect that my Isis Internet Tent will one day fold. The one thing that will stick around will be much of my outside blog because I am proud of what is there. I may go through and prune at some point or I may keep it as "historical record." I don't know which yet. I imagine in time I will know, though. However I will not be coming back to announce it. I have always found it odd when a hypnotist says she's having a "going out of business sale." Why would I encourage you to buy my recordings when I won't be around like that any more (which really is all the more reason for me to fold up things at some point)? I have always wanted you to be in touch with me if you wanted to appreciate my work. I always had an interactive model, and since part of that interaction will cease, the rest doesn't really work any more.

A part of me is sad. There was a lot of time and energy put into the myriad of things I have done. But, in some ways, it feels like a different person did them. And, actually, it was. The me of a year ago and before no longer exists. It is definitely time to move on. To those who have stuck by me, and have continued to be in touch, it will be "business as usual." To anyone else, thank you for the time that we spent. Thank you for allowing me into your mind and heart in such an open and intimate way. Thank you for your respect of me and my craft.

While I may be closing the door on Isis as she once was, I am not closing the door on the people who want to be in touch to say hi. And especially if anything I have said resonates for you and you would like to enhance yourself in a different way than the current offerings of those here, I invite you to be in touch.

I truly feel blessed by the many thousands of people I have spoken to over the years. I don't know that I would have had the opportunity to meet many of you if it wasn't for this fetish and environment. If I would have had one wish, I would have wished that we "met" under different circumstances as I believe there are many pieces of the dynamic that doesn't foster the best connections. However there are many types of relationships we have in life that serve different purposes and for what was, it was pretty awesome.

It feels like a good bye in some ways, and good byes often are melancholy for me. But it doesn't have to be one. If you want to be in touch in a "person to person" type of way, the next move is up to you. I wish everyone here all the best and that enjoyable times are what is most often had by all parties concerned.

Play (& Stay) Safe,
Isis

It Has Been a Long Time

It has been a long time. Almost a year since I posted here. I have thought occasionally about coming back and saying something, but was never really sure what to say.

I am still not sure. But it feels like the time is right.

A lot has changed in my life in the last year - most of which was not planned, nor intentionally created or desired. Sometimes life has a way of throwing curve balls, and if we're fortunate enough we know how to either catch them, or avoid being hit.

I used to wonder if I just "disappeared" one day if anyone would notice - or care. In the time that I have been Isis I have seen many people come and go who were hypnotists, and many who were those who liked to be hypnotized.

I have seen many things, many more than I ever thought I would, and many more than I would have liked to have seen. There have been many times I have been at odds with the "establishment," if not because of what I believed in terms of hypnosis and its effects, at odds with what people thought I should be.

It may seem odd to say this, but it has been wearing on me. It is difficult to be in the environment that I, as Isis, stepped into. Unlike many who seem to do the type of work I have done, I have never done it because I get of on controlling or manipulating anyone. To my dismay, I have seen instances where if I was a different type of person, I might have found myself sitting comfortably, living off of other people's money and efforts.

Instead, I have often opted for an approach of respect. I have opted to treat those who come to me as someone who deserves respect - even if for a while they want to choose to be in a lesser role. The key word here being "role." I have never wanted anyone to feel like they were forever tied to me - if that is not what they truly wanted. And even then, I approached the hypnosis responsibly, just in case anything unexpected would ever happen.  I would not want someone to have any problems due to anything that I had created with him.

As a result, many have found others to hypnotize them. If that makes them happy, so be it. I have never had the desire - nor the energy - to chase after anyone. I have also never really had the energy or desire to help someone who does not help himself. However I have spent more hours than you might imagine trying to help those who have gotten into situations they did not want to be in.

In what has happened in the last year, I have been able to step back and look at what I have been doing. And I question whether or not it is a good idea to continue. While I have done my best to live by my own rules, I am not sure the rules I have lived by still apply.

In the last year I have seen how life can just be taken away, just like that. It is nothing anyone anticipates or expects, and yet it is the path we all are on. Over the years, I have seen way too many people on tracks that aren't healthy or helpful for them. I have made it a rule never to judge someone for their choices, as we all have the paths we must tread, and the choices we must make. However it is not in me to contribute to that type of thing any more - even indirectly.

I have always believed that what I do needs to enhance someone's life,
but if not that, at the very least, not detract.

On the other side of this coin are those I interact with. Some are so sweet. So wonderful. So generous. They are the ones I have missed. They are the ones who have treated me with respect - without me having to demand it or even bring it up. They are the ones I never felt I had to tolerate.

In the time that I have been away, I have never said I was out of touch, and yet very few have reached out or tried to communicate with me. That is more than fine. But it is just an observation about the dynamic that I seem to have with those who have crossed my path. If I was more than a fix or a trance, then one would think that there might be some reaching out.

While I realize some may have stepped back to give me space, I think there are many more who have just not said anything because they haven't. And that makes me sad. While I realize I am not going to be the best of buddies with those who call me through a phone sex line, and that it isn't always going to be possible, or appropriate, I would like to think that I was/am more than "just" a voice on the phone.

It is possible some do care more than their actions have expressed. I wouldn't be surprised. Many times we do not tell the people who matter to us what we really feel about them. Do you know how many people in your life would love to hear from you how much you care about them, and what they mean to you? They may intellectually know, but that is not the same. There is something pretty special about hearing about who you are to someone and about what a difference you make for them.

Just today I was talking to someone who had a good friend who just passed away. The friend was diagnosed with a type of cancer than was not only terminal, but swift. The friend was dead within only a few weeks.

It just so happened we spoke right after the friend was diagnosed, and I shared some things with him in the hopes that it might help him and/or his friend. Situations like that are impossible, at best. Well, as it turns out, he took my advice and had an incredible conversation with his friend that I think was to both of their benefit. Today this person was thanking me for what I was able to do for him.

Whether or not I got feedback from him, and whether or not we spoke about it, I still would have done what I did. However knowing that what I did helped, was greatly appreciated. It just so happens this person is someone who knows me as Isis, and is still in contact with me because a part of him knows that I care about the person behind the trancer.

I personally desire a greater connection with those I interact with, and it is not something that I can fabricate, nor would I want to. I have always desired anyone who was interested in me, or doing something for me, want to do it first and foremost. At which point we could harness it and make it quite delicious.

I know some hypnotists will demand that those they hypnotize them tell them "I Love You." The person who says it doesn't want to, and doesn't really mean it, but it is all a part of the Power Game. If someone ever told me that he loved me, I would want it to be because he really did, and just wanted to.

All reasons, it would seem, this environment no longer suits me.

But that doesn't mean I am not into erotic hypnosis. There are a few who are still in touch with me, and they still get the hypnotist in me. But we have the kind of dynamic that really works for me. So am I through with erotic hypnosis? I can't say that. But I am not really sure what I can say.

If any of what I have said speaks to you, maybe we should talk. Maybe there is something we could create. But you can't be flaky, and you have to be clear about what you want, as we will compare notes and see if there is a fit. I do not have the time to be playing games, and I am being quite picky what I choose these days.

As always, I wish you well, and hope that you always have safe and enjoyable adventures.

Isis