It Has Been a Long Time

It has been a long time. Almost a year since I posted here. I have thought occasionally about coming back and saying something, but was never really sure what to say.

I am still not sure. But it feels like the time is right.

A lot has changed in my life in the last year - most of which was not planned, nor intentionally created or desired. Sometimes life has a way of throwing curve balls, and if we're fortunate enough we know how to either catch them, or avoid being hit.

I used to wonder if I just "disappeared" one day if anyone would notice - or care. In the time that I have been Isis I have seen many people come and go who were hypnotists, and many who were those who liked to be hypnotized.

I have seen many things, many more than I ever thought I would, and many more than I would have liked to have seen. There have been many times I have been at odds with the "establishment," if not because of what I believed in terms of hypnosis and its effects, at odds with what people thought I should be.

It may seem odd to say this, but it has been wearing on me. It is difficult to be in the environment that I, as Isis, stepped into. Unlike many who seem to do the type of work I have done, I have never done it because I get of on controlling or manipulating anyone. To my dismay, I have seen instances where if I was a different type of person, I might have found myself sitting comfortably, living off of other people's money and efforts.

Instead, I have often opted for an approach of respect. I have opted to treat those who come to me as someone who deserves respect - even if for a while they want to choose to be in a lesser role. The key word here being "role." I have never wanted anyone to feel like they were forever tied to me - if that is not what they truly wanted. And even then, I approached the hypnosis responsibly, just in case anything unexpected would ever happen.  I would not want someone to have any problems due to anything that I had created with him.

As a result, many have found others to hypnotize them. If that makes them happy, so be it. I have never had the desire - nor the energy - to chase after anyone. I have also never really had the energy or desire to help someone who does not help himself. However I have spent more hours than you might imagine trying to help those who have gotten into situations they did not want to be in.

In what has happened in the last year, I have been able to step back and look at what I have been doing. And I question whether or not it is a good idea to continue. While I have done my best to live by my own rules, I am not sure the rules I have lived by still apply.

In the last year I have seen how life can just be taken away, just like that. It is nothing anyone anticipates or expects, and yet it is the path we all are on. Over the years, I have seen way too many people on tracks that aren't healthy or helpful for them. I have made it a rule never to judge someone for their choices, as we all have the paths we must tread, and the choices we must make. However it is not in me to contribute to that type of thing any more - even indirectly.

I have always believed that what I do needs to enhance someone's life,
but if not that, at the very least, not detract.

On the other side of this coin are those I interact with. Some are so sweet. So wonderful. So generous. They are the ones I have missed. They are the ones who have treated me with respect - without me having to demand it or even bring it up. They are the ones I never felt I had to tolerate.

In the time that I have been away, I have never said I was out of touch, and yet very few have reached out or tried to communicate with me. That is more than fine. But it is just an observation about the dynamic that I seem to have with those who have crossed my path. If I was more than a fix or a trance, then one would think that there might be some reaching out.

While I realize some may have stepped back to give me space, I think there are many more who have just not said anything because they haven't. And that makes me sad. While I realize I am not going to be the best of buddies with those who call me through a phone sex line, and that it isn't always going to be possible, or appropriate, I would like to think that I was/am more than "just" a voice on the phone.

It is possible some do care more than their actions have expressed. I wouldn't be surprised. Many times we do not tell the people who matter to us what we really feel about them. Do you know how many people in your life would love to hear from you how much you care about them, and what they mean to you? They may intellectually know, but that is not the same. There is something pretty special about hearing about who you are to someone and about what a difference you make for them.

Just today I was talking to someone who had a good friend who just passed away. The friend was diagnosed with a type of cancer than was not only terminal, but swift. The friend was dead within only a few weeks.

It just so happened we spoke right after the friend was diagnosed, and I shared some things with him in the hopes that it might help him and/or his friend. Situations like that are impossible, at best. Well, as it turns out, he took my advice and had an incredible conversation with his friend that I think was to both of their benefit. Today this person was thanking me for what I was able to do for him.

Whether or not I got feedback from him, and whether or not we spoke about it, I still would have done what I did. However knowing that what I did helped, was greatly appreciated. It just so happens this person is someone who knows me as Isis, and is still in contact with me because a part of him knows that I care about the person behind the trancer.

I personally desire a greater connection with those I interact with, and it is not something that I can fabricate, nor would I want to. I have always desired anyone who was interested in me, or doing something for me, want to do it first and foremost. At which point we could harness it and make it quite delicious.

I know some hypnotists will demand that those they hypnotize them tell them "I Love You." The person who says it doesn't want to, and doesn't really mean it, but it is all a part of the Power Game. If someone ever told me that he loved me, I would want it to be because he really did, and just wanted to.

All reasons, it would seem, this environment no longer suits me.

But that doesn't mean I am not into erotic hypnosis. There are a few who are still in touch with me, and they still get the hypnotist in me. But we have the kind of dynamic that really works for me. So am I through with erotic hypnosis? I can't say that. But I am not really sure what I can say.

If any of what I have said speaks to you, maybe we should talk. Maybe there is something we could create. But you can't be flaky, and you have to be clear about what you want, as we will compare notes and see if there is a fit. I do not have the time to be playing games, and I am being quite picky what I choose these days.

As always, I wish you well, and hope that you always have safe and enjoyable adventures.

Isis