Bad Communication or Just Different?

People communicate differently. Sometimes people think they're
communicating, and those who are receiving the communications
won't understand, almost as if the two are speaking a different
language.

If you are an English speaker, you wouldn't say that someone who
spoke French was a bad communicator. What you might say is
that they are "bad" in communicating in English. You wouldn't
judge them because they couldn't speak English, especially if
you were in France, and you were in their world. Even if they
were in an English speaking part of the world, if they weren't a
native, and hadn't been living there for a long time, there is
still plenty of room for understanding, as they wouldn't be
practiced in the language.

(This metaphor has a few difficulties in that it is one of the many
hot buttons these days, and it would be easy to go off topic here.
So if it is OK with you, let's just use this example in its purest
form for the purposes of this discussion. We can always speak
about other parts of this conversation another day.)

So back to the topic...

People communicate differently. Both men AND women. To be
able to communicate effectively, one must realize that those
that he interacts with may not communicate the same way.
To have a successful communication interaction with another is
to be mindful of that fact and be responsible for the fact that
you may not be heard the way you wanted to be heard.

The problem is that because two English speakers THINK that
because they're speaking the same language, they think they're
communicating effectively, and at times there is little tolerance
for a lack of understanding. If the other person doesn't seem
to get it, it's the OTHER person who has the problem. The other
person doesn't get it because they're "male," "female," "young,"
"old," "ignorant," "stupid."

If you talk, you communicate. The thing is WHAT do you
communicate? What you communicate may not be what the
recipient hears and experiences. Often, though, there is an
inherent assumption that we all understand things the same
way, and it becomes too easy to find fault and assign blame
for perceived deficiencies.

Often because people don't realize this dynamic, they cope
by labeling, boxing in, pointing fingers, arguing. Odds are
whatever you're doing and thinking, the other person is, too.
So maybe you're both OK, and just not speaking the same
language.

The next time you get into a disagreement, consider it may
just be that the other person isn't hearing you the way you
want to be heard, or that you're hearing the other person
differently than s/he intended. It won't always be the case,
but it happens more than you might realize. You can't step
away from the weapon that is your mouth, but if you take a
moment, and take a breath, and consider these words, it
might just help.

Do you think I communicate well? You wouldn't have recognized
me about 10 years ago. So if you're frustrated, there may be
hope for you yet! LOL. Once someone grasps this idea, and
implements it, the difference it makes is immeasurable.

Effective communication is a learned skill, just like another
language, and maybe one day it can be one of the basics taught
in school along side reading, writing, and arithmetic.