Relationships and the Stigma of Labels

There's a dating website (and maybe others, too , that
I don't know about) that requires its users to say what
the length of their longest relationship was. It goes
from over one year to over ten years.

It is just one more box and label to give a person so
that another may judge them and deem them worthy,
or not.

It got me thinking about the labels that are used.

Someone I know who has been married, and is now
divorced that would consider himself "single," which
of course he is. However there is the label "divorced"
that needs to be used in contexts like this, so that
he doesn't appear to be deceptive.

I know another person who has been married and
divorced twice, and of course those is society who
just look at the "facts" would be quick to make some
judgment from that fact.

Another who is in his 40s, and never been married.
If everyone lays off of him because he's never been
married at 40, he may never get married because
he'll never be young again.

As a whole, we seem so quick to judge. Someone
who has been in a long term relationship isn't
necessarily more "bankable" than someone who is
in the above mentioned categories.

Someone who has been in a long term relationship
could have had a dysfunctional relationship that he
was unwilling or unable to leave. If one is going to
judge, that would be something to consider. However,
a simple designation of being in a relationship over
8 years is never going to tell you the details of what
transpired.

The more we label things, the more we cloud the
possibilities. Sometimes it might be better to not
know things, and allow those we interact with to
speak with their actions and words in relation to us.

Perhaps a person has changed since their other
relationships. Perhaps a person was responsible
to the people he was in a relationship with, and
knew that the best thing he could do for all parties
was to move on. Perhaps the dynamic between
him and a previous person somehow managed to
bring out the worst in both of them.

I have a friend who is very sane, and very practical,
and down to earth. At one point she told me that
she wanted to kill her then boyfriend. Apparently
things were really bad (that sounds like a huge
understatement). Eventually they went their
separate ways, marrying other people, and what
was the worst of their relationship didn't carry
over to those that they wound up with. She has
never again felt that way about someone.

Consider that there are things we'll never know
about a person and that there are qualities we may
mistakingly assign a person by the labels they
wear. If that is a possibility, then the resulting,
preconceived notions could have us miss out on
something good, or have us choose something
not so great.

I won't say labels never help...but something
designed to "help" I think often can hinder.

What do you think?