You get all of me... | More about me

Well...perhaps that's not exactly accurate.

However, there is a point I want to make.

Someone who has called me in the past called
me recently and I said something about how
he comes to the call. Often he does something
prior to the call that makes the things he
wants to happen next to impossible.

I have worked with him, and told him that
whatever the outcome of the call, it's all
good. But even though I have said that, I
can often hear him getting upset, frustrated,
and feeling like he may be disappointing me.

I have suggested more than once that he either
refrain from that thing, or be OK with the
resulting outcome - whatever it is.

He has fluffed me off over this, and said I
was lecturing him. While he is free to have
that interpretation, it is not how I see it.

How I see it is that I care about him - and
his experience - and I am unwilling to
compromise. I am unwilling to be someone
who just goes into an automatic kind of mode.
If that is what he is looking for, then he
should stop calling me, and call someone else.

How I approach things, what I say and what I
do have to do with who I am. It DOES NOT
work for everyone. I accept this fact and
will not pretend to be something and someone
that I am not.

As a result, I will not just blankly go along
with all requests, and will likely speak my mind,
but hopefully in a way that respects your mind
and your right to choose.

If you call me, this is something you should
know. I still remember a comment a while back
that said I had my own agenda. It was a wee
bit ironic, given the category, however it
stemmed from me spending a couple of minutes
(if even that) talking to the person and telling
him some things I tell pretty much everyone who
calls me. Granted, these are things *I* think
are important, however he was calling *me.* So
he was going to get *my* take on things.

I suppose in the world of NF people often expect
cookie cutter experiences. The irony is that
while many do, there are just as many who are
tired of the same old thing. There is a world
out there that has very few options for people
who might want some companionship or some help
that isn't worthy of a psychiatrist's chair.

There is a range of conversation that doesn't
necessarily fit into the friendship realm, but
has no realm to express itself.

That is the realm I function in. There is a
lot to me. Those who allow me to be that person
get to experience me in ways that others don't.

It seems to me that many need a person like me,
and just don't know it...until they're in the
midst of it because for most the situation for
many remains "undiagnosed."

However, even undiagnosed, it is a situation
that requires attention, and it is why I think
many gravitate to phone sex. For some heavy
breathing may just be heavy breathing but for
others it may be an attempt to fill in what
feels like it is missing.

This is without judgment. We all do the best
we can with what we got. This is an observation,
and perhaps one for you to consider.

In the meantime, know that when you contact me
you will get whatever part of me decides to
show up. You may not like it, and then again
you may just love it. Any which way, you have
the choice to find someone else, or take
advantage of what is in front of you.

I know this will likely discourage some from
calling me, and perhaps that is a good thing.
I never want people to be disappointed by their
experience. However, please know that at the
heart of what I say and do is a care that I
have for you and compassion for the person you
are and for whatever your experience of life
may be up until that moment.

I don't always act as I did with this caller,
but do when it feels like what must be done.
So if you're calling for a good time, and to
enjoy yourself - odds are that is just what
will happen.