On Communication, Absolutes, & Relationships

Recently someone wanted me to confirm
that women always talk about - and
think about - the size of the "little
brain" of men.

While I can't speak for every woman,
I have to say I can't confirm that
statement, and actually have *proof*
to the opposite effect.

I read about women, and hear about
women, that will say emphatically
that "all" women "always" care about
those things, and talk about them.

You may know, if you know me, that
I am no fan of absolutes, as I
believe very few things live up
to their perceived absolute nature.

I think absoluteness lives within
the context in which it is built.
Often I believe that something is
absolute within a perspective that
is built upon someone's experience.

Change any facet of that equation,
and what is considered absolute
will likely vary from what it was
perceived to be.

Having said that, it is important
(I'd say) to determine what your
absolutes are, and if they're
absolutes that you want within
your life.

If they're not, there is a good
chance you may be able to alter
what you believe to be true.
It may not be easy, but possible,
yes.

In my experience one wants to know
what a person's beliefs are in
order to best interact with them.

The other day someone told me that
his wife wasn't so great in regard
to some of what he wanted, enjoyed.

When I suggested that he communicate
to her that things weren't so great,
the "usual" issues came up. After
all, when you've been with someone
a long time and suddenly something
new shows up, there is likely to be
a question.

Unfortunately many people suck at
communication, and for that reason
much is left uncommunicated, or is
ineffectively communicated. There
can also be all kinds of emotions
that come from that, as well.

I suggested that he could say
something like, "In regard to XXX,
I want you to know that things
aren't quite the way I'd like them
to be. I know you're trying, and
it is unfair to you that I haven't
yet been able to express to you
what I need."

By saying it that way, it takes
the responsibility of any perceived
failure off of his wife, and opens
up the channels of communication,
and possibly paves the way to what
he truly wants.

He could stick with an absolute
that said that his wife is unable
to understand or deliver what he
needs, or he could venture into
the unknown waters of communication,
and seek out what it is that he wants.

We'll see how it goes - or if he even
gets back to me to tell me what happened.

Any which way, it provided an opportunity
to share this with you. Perhaps if you're
struggling with something, my words will
give you something to consider.

We think just because we speak we
communicate. Unfortunately though
communication comes in various forms,
including silence, and at times words
can be the least effective. At other
times, knowing how words can effect
the message we are trying to relay
can also be one of the most effective
ways to communicate what we need to.

The thing is, though, it is something
like many things need to be learned,
and there aren't many ways to learn
how to be effective. Not only that,
adults often don't like to fail, so
at the first sign of failure, there
can be a tendency to clam up, and
settle for something less than what
we are capable of - and - likely deserve.