from 2 different types of people that
contained a message that could have
just as easily - if not more so - have
been said in a recent phone conversation.
More and more it seems that communication
- if one can truly call it that - is
happening via technology. In a case
where something is said via text, I
would suggest it is more a statement of
perceived facts.
I would need to look up the actual
definition of communication to know
if what I am saying is accurate,
however I can't help but wonder how
helpful one-sided communications are.
When one can interact with another it
is a whole different dynamic than when
words are volleyed over the internet
fence.
There are enough misunderstandings
that happen when people actually talk,
there doesn't need to be more from things
that are misinterpreted via messages,
and can never be corrected, especially
when the message is a good bye.
The author in the video below talks
about how there are certain distinctions
that children are making because of
technology. She says that often they
don't know how to be alone without it
meaning that they are lonely. She says
that they don't know how to end
conversations. She says many interesting
things that I am not sure are limited
to the younger demographic.
It might seem that technology is a good
thing because it allows one to hide and
not face those in front of them. It
allows one to not have to discuss or
confront another's perspectives, thoughts,
wishes, words...It might seem a heck of
a lot safer.
The thing is, though, that there is great
power in being able to say what you feel
and think while at the same time allow
another to do the same. We may not always
agree (and likely often do not) but there
is something incredible about being able
to talk about things and make conscious
decisions as a result that love and value
who you are and who the other person is.
Many people do not seem to know how to
face the uncomfortable, and technology
has given them their out. It has also
deprived them the gift of being really
connected with another and able to freely
express themselves in more than just a
few words.
Life is often uncomfortable. Life often
sucks - especially when other people get
involved in ways we don't like. However,
to avoid situations that don't work for
us instead of working through them can
be robbing us in ways that are unable to
be calculated.
Another thing to consider is how you feel
when someone does it to you. Most people
want to be heard, and if a person does it
to you, you are deprived of having your
say. It likely doesn't feel very good,
and yet odds are good you've done it
yourself at one time or another.
Learning to communicate isn't easy -
especially after you've learned how to
get by without doing it effectively.
I know...because while I may have been
taught the superficial ways to communicate,
I never was taught how to express myself
in ways that were particularly healthy
and helpful - especially in times of
conflict. As a matter of fact,
avoidance was something I was pretty
darn good at - to my (unconscious)
detriment.
What I know now is something I had
to learn as an adult, and it is
something I am still learning
and still go back to my old ways
from time to time. The thing is,
though, that I have seen how
incredibly amazing true and effective
communication is, so I am often
unwilling to give up its benefits.
But it is still very difficult at
those times that the people or
things are nearer and dearer to me.
What I learned has been a gift, and
it is why I share it with you.
While I can't give you the gift, as
it's one you must give yourself,
I can give you the promise of the
possibilities that can come from
being able to share perspectives
with another in a way that respects
and empowers those involved.
Someone I know told another something
to the effect that there isn't anyone
he has disagreed with more but has
liked as much as me. I love that.
I love that because it makes more
available to us than would otherwise
be if we just avoided each other or
were clashing all of the time.
I often feel like a fish out of
water because of the way I look
at things. I rarely use a cell
phone and would rather pick up
a phone and talk to someone over
sending a series of emails.
I find it more even more rewarding
to connect with someone in person
than on the phone. It also can
suck more, too.
Life isn't any better because we
avoid it. Avoiding it only leaves
those things untouched to fester.
Facing them helps them morph into
something helpful and useful, or
dissolves them into nothingness.
There is an expression "What you
resist, persists," so you're not
gonna get off that easy the next
time you are unwilling to face a
person or situation squarely.
Of course, as with anything, you
are free to live life as you choose
to. You are free to go on as you
always have. In some ways, it is
effective because it is what you
have learned. However, does it
truly work for you? Does it leave
you feeling satisfied? Fulfilled?
At peace?
At the same time, you are free to
pick up the phone and talk to that
person you've been avoiding, and
have a heartfelt conversation.
Any which way you go, consider being
loving and kind to yourself and those
you interact with. We're all just
doing the best we can with what we got.
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