On the Subject of Pain

For anyone whose sense of touch is working
as it should, odds are better than good if
their hand went near something hot, it
would likely recoil pretty quickly. After
we have experiences in which our sense of
touch is activated with a feeling of pain,
we tend to learn to be careful with what we
do, and often try to avoid the possibility of
pain as much as possible.

I was thinking about this today, as it makes
perfect sense that when we are hurt, we will
attempt to avoid a recurrence. It isn't
restricted to "just" physical pain, however;
emotional pain has the potential same effect.

As I thought about it, I thought about how
important the feeling of pain can be to help
us avoid other pain. Without the feeling of
pain, we run the risk of even greater harm.
Think about a hand in a flame that doesn't
feel the heat.

In relationships, the feeling of pain is also
signaling us to pay attention. It might be
telling us to get out, or it might be telling
us to alter our direction. To numb the pain
is to create opportunities for issues to
escalate.

Some who have been hurt by another who is
close may use the threat of pain to avoid
being in another relationship. While the
pain may be real, the association is slightly
faulty. While there may be consistency in
terms of hot stoves, there isn't necessarily
going to be consistency from one person to
the next, one interpersonal dynamic to the
next.

So while our mechanisms have the best of
intentions, they come from an unconscious
place that doesn't have shades of grey.
Pain is pain.

Those who function from that unconscious
place only will likely feel more victimized
by their life and circumstances than one
who is willing to step back and take a
look at the pieces and parts.

If a person was to stay away from an oven
for fear of being burned, they may never
get to enjoy some delicious chocolate
chip cookies. One learns how to interact
with that "thing" that could harm, hoping
for the best with every interaction.

Does that mean there won't be any more
burns? Sadly, not likely. But it does
mean the oven and stove can be used to
the best of its ability creating some
really delicious goodies and meals...ones
that would be missed out on if the stove
was never interacted with.

The thing to remember is that we often
collapse things, and that the stove is
not the pain, but what we do around it
could have the potential to cause the
pain.

In the same way, relationships are
not the pain, but what occurs around
them could have the potential to cause
pain.

At the same time, there is the potential
for us to have some really good things
come out of our willingness to take a
risk with something that has the potential
to cause pain, and hope for the best.

A possible equation to consider:
No risk = No goodies.

My mind is still playing with these
thoughts...what are yours?