Football Baseball & Relationships

I was speaking with someone recently
about communication within a relationship,
and a metaphor occurred to me that I
wanted to share with you as I think
it is something that could be helpful.

The person's spouse was saying that
this person was needy, as they could
not understand why certain things
requested were desired.

Interestingly, since we tend to pick
our opposite for a relationship, this
type of thing is not unusual, and can
often be difficult to navigate.

However in a situation where the
partners care about one another it
would seem to be something that
would be worth navigating.

The metaphor that I was sharing was
about a baseball player and a football
player. They have different frameworks
and tools, and if the baseball player
gave the football player a bat he may
wonder "what the heck am I supposed
to do with this?" He might even say
"I need a football," to which the
baseball player would say, "Why do
you need a ball like that? It doesn't
work with this bat, but THIS one does."

Is the football player needy for needing
the thing that he needs that fits his
framework?

In thinking about this I realized that
the two players could have a great
difficulty understanding each other for
several reasons:

one runs around in circles
while the
other runs in one direction

one hits a ball with a special tool
while the
other throws one without a special tool

on player runs into other players
as an intentional event
while the
other runs into other players
as an unintentional event.

one player plays a game that is timed
while the
other plays an untimed game.

Do any of these differences make one
more superior than the other? Putting
aside that there are opinions about
sports and that there are perspectives
that would say yes, generally speaking
the answer would be NO.

And while people can likely see the
logic of this conversation, they often
likely will not be able to give the
same flexibility to another person
when there seems to be a difference.

Often when there is a difference, the
perspective of the "right" one is the
one that comes from the person doing
the doing or speaking.

The next time that you are having
some difficulty speaking with someone,
and getting what you need, perhaps
this metaphor will help.

"Perhaps you don't need (fill in) to
know that you are loved, but I do,
and it doesn't make me needy, it
just makes me, me. Just in the same
way that you may need (fill in) and
it is just what makes you, you."

Mind you, people can't always give
you what you want and need, but you'll
have a better chance of getting it,
if your framework is understood.

It is important to know what is
important to you, and to know what
things are things you need. If the
person you are with is unable to
give them to you, the next step is
even harder than trying to make
things work: you need to decide
if it is time to move on.

I am not saying you should bail
at the first sign of trouble,
however if what you really need
is unavailable you can still
stick around - with the knowledge
that you will be left unfulfilled.

Either way, it is your choice...
even if it seems you don't have one.

Your best bet will be to see what
you can do to learn to communicate
in a non-threatening, responsible
way, and see if that person you
love and who loves you is willing
to compromise in a way that doesn't
leave either one of you feeling
compromised.

Oh what fun! :P