Defending an Idea as if it is Oneself

Have you ever noticed that often it
is easy to collapse an idea with
the person who suggests it?

When that happens, those involved
don't always recognize what is
happening.

The person who sees the idea as
himself might take what is said
to be a personal attack, whether
it is one, or not.

The person who addresses the idea
may be actually attacking the
person instead of the idea, since
he is unaware that they are not
one in the same.

Yes, the two can certainly be
related, however, when we are
able to have respect for the
person, we are able to acknowledge
his opinion without attempting
to diminish him as a person, as
we address his opinion with ours.

We all have unconscious connections
that either support or diminish us.
We know which by our own experience
of life. I may not agree with
someone else's ideas, but I respect
their right to have them. If those
ideas affect me, then I must do
what I can for myself and my own
well being and peace of mind.

Interestingly, diminishing the person
won't do much in that regard. However,
addressing the idea, and interacting
with it is more likely to have an
effect. Personal attacks - or even
ones that seem to be personal by
interpretation - often derail what
the real topic is, which in turn,
minimizes any possible good that could
come from a respectful dynamic.

I find myself sometimes engaging those
whose opinions vary from my own
because I think I might learn a thing,
or two. I find that some are leery of
doing that - given past outcomes, but
often those who know me know it is safe
to express their opinion - even if it
varies from what they perceive mine to be.

In addition, I suspect when people don't
feel free to express themselves there
is a potential for more conflict in
the world than less. Just because an
opinion isn't expressed doesn't mean it
doesn't have influence.

The next time you have a disagreement
with someone about something, it might
be worth taking a step back to figure
out what really is the issue because
odds are if you're getting no where
fast, those involved could be interacting
with anything but what is perceived to
be the issue.

Even when you are clear that what you are
discussing is what you think you are
discussing, there is no way to insure
an outcome that works, as there is the
added dynamic of interpretation, as well
as no insurance that either one of you
will be willing to step outside
of what you perceive the reality to be.

However, if you at least have the possibility
in your head that the idea is not the person,
then you may also have the possibility of
having a productive and helpful conversation.

As often is the case, sometimes it is difficult
to see the forest for the trees. All we can
hope for as a society is that enough people,
enough of the time can - and will.

with Love & Respect,
Isis