To the Losers...

Today I saw the umpteenth "mean queen"
talking about the ****ing losers that
serve her. If you think you're a loser,
then maybe she was talking to you.

She was attractive, but she was needy,
greedy, bitchy. Ok, I know, that is
probably turning you on, and you are
wondering who the person is.

Logically one may wonder why you
let women like this have your time,
your attention, your hard earned money
and "respect."

Even if you consider yourself a loser,
why wouldn't you want someone to
appreciate the things you do for them,
instead of expect them, and then
proceed to forget it because the next
"sucker" has arrived. Why would you only
want to be remembered when the person
who demands from you seeks to more money
and more attention?

Consider what it would be like to have
attention that is kind and appreciative.
I know it's likely unusual for you, and
I know of many who like the idea, but
just don't know how it could ever feel
as good as being treated like s***.

You know why it feels so good for you?

It's likely somewhere along the lines
your mind made an unconscious connection
between things that don't necessarily
belong together.

It could be a pretty girl who taunted you,
and when she did it humiliated you, and
because she was so pretty you were turned
on at the time so you tied arousal to
humiliation by a pretty girl.

You then probably tried to find opportunities
to have pretty girls do it to you again.
Each time it happened, it reinforced your
"need" to be treated in the way that the
original girl treated you. Along the way,
you may have found new girls added to the
mix, so your mind may have latched onto to
those things as well.

Maybe you even got into a relationship with
a pretty girl who treated you that way, and
demanded you spend money on her.

Each thing finds its way into our mind
through layers of connections, and they
become what we think are "needs." You
may have even found yourself paying for
the opportunity to be humiliated if no
real life opportunities were available.

I don't know too many people who wouldn't
prefer to be treated kindly and with respect,
however I know way too many who don't know
how to find their way out of what they know
to cause pleasure.

You don't have to allow people to treat you
this way, AND you can find greater pleasure
in being treated well and in being appreciated.

Hypnosis is good at so many things, including
creating and resolving perceived problems.
There is an author who wrote how he believed
that all hypnosis was a way to dehypnotize
someone from previous hypnosis.

Never been formally hypnotized? It doesn't
matter. Anyone who knows how to manipulate
others is likely proficient in a form of
hypnosis whether s/he realizes it, or not.

Some will tell you that to be the best man
you can be it's best to see yourself as
insignificant, small, unworthy and at the
same time needing to prove yourself in some
way worthy of time and attention.

Personally, I don't see how interacting with
someone who thinks so little of himself serves
me or anyone else. I would say it is in my
best interest to have someone who wants to
be attentive to me be the best of who he can
be - for himself and those around him.

I see too much encouragement from women like
the one above to have the men they interact
with disregard and disrespect the women in
their lives. I know some would say they
could never understand it, or do it, but
what these people don't realize is how the
person affected could even been torn, and
still do things potentially hurtful and/or
harmful to a relationship.

What is going on is likely to be something
that someone affected doesn't understand
either, because it comes from the unconscious
connections. I realize that some things are
choices, and there are some I certainly
wouldn't agree with, but when you are doing
things compulsively and can't stop, then it
might be something to reconsider - especially
if there is a part of you that isn't OK or
happy about what is going on.

Some people will say "It's just me. It's
just how I am." Because your behavior is
not who you are, that statement is inaccurate.
However since it is a common belief and
statement, it is often "accepted."

Most people are much more than they know
themselves to be. Many have no idea who
and what they are capable of because things
get in the way. Something so core to who
we are - such as sexuality - can create a
big diversion and/or stumbling block.

The thing is, though, deep down we know
better. Deep down we seek better. Deep
down we know there has got to be a better
way, and we choose to listen, or we don't.

When one listens, one also needs to recognize
what they have done previously, and it isn't
always easy and can sometimes be painful
and there can be guilt, remorse, anger and
other things that continuing the behavior
continues to cover up.

I can't say a change is going to happen
easily or effortlessly, but what I can say
is that you need to be kind to yourself in
the process. Things happen all of the time,
and that includes things we'd rather not
experience, however if we come to those
situations with the a mindset that allows
us to learn and grow from the experience
the best things can happen as a result,
and they're not often things we'd anticipate.

If you consider yourself a loser, and that
is how you want to continue to act, far be
it from me to convince you to do anything
any differently.

However, if there is a part of you that
thinks that you deserve better (which,
personally, I say you do) then it might
be worth seeing what can be done to give
you the pleasure you desire without
wreaking havoc on your life and the
relationships that you hold most dear -
including the one you have with yourself.

Arguments can be made for anything by
anyone at any time. Be careful which
ones you buy into. They're not all
worthy of your efforts and attention,
and likely very few are.

A last thought...

If you are belittled and worn down,
what is left of you to give? In
the end, I suspect that is at the
core of what we as humans want to
do...we want to give another a piece
of ourselves so that we can feel like
we belong and that we are wanted and
needed by someone else and if we don't
know that we can get attention in a
positive, affirming way we'll get it
in a destructive one. If you're off
self destructing you're not going to
see the things that are helpful and
supportive and loving -
but they are there.