Things that End

I was just reading about Susan Sarandon's
comments about her relationship with
Tom Robbins.

Apparently they never got married because
they thought that it would make them less
likely to take the other for granted.

Interesting idea.

What is also interesting is that the idea
that relationships are supposed to endure
no matter what. We work so hard on making
them work, even at the point that they're
supposed to end.

I wonder when it came to be understood
that we had to bind ourselves to people
that aren't good for us - any more.

People and situations change. We change.
Our partners change. Sometimes together,
sometimes apart.

Sometimes it seems some people can have
an enduring, happy, healthy relationship
that can last. Is that relationship
real? Or is does it just appear the way
those think it is?

I would say it is very rare to have a
relationship that is like the one that
Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman
seemed to have - ironically on the
heels of Paul being married to someone
else.

I am sure their relationship was scandalous
at the time, but it was apparent that they
had a connection, and they ran with it.
Apparently it really worked for them.

Then you have many relationships that seem
to be on and again off again over and over
over time. I had one of them, and boy was
it tough to leave. So many times it could
have, should have, ended but for various
reasons (likely none of them good) we kept
going.

We were both unhappy, and said we wanted
the relationship, but couldn't find the
way to one that worked for both of us so
we had the shell of one for a very long,
unhappy time.

We could have saved ourselves a lot of
grief if we had paid attention to the idea
that we really couldn't be together instead
of trying to force what we had. The
forcing was painful. It was around that
time I realized that one can be much lonelier
in a bad relationship than they can be
actually alone.

I learned more than I wanted to learn
during our time together, and I suppose
it was all for good cause because it helps
me to understand what others go through.

Most won't have those happy ever after
stories, so they'll need to know that
someone can appreciate the trials and
tribulations of their own experience.

One thing I came away with, though, is
the thought that we come together with
various people for various reasons,
and while it might be great to have
something enduring, we may not, but it
doesn't mean that we can't squeeze every
ounce of wonderful out of what we have
at the moment.

If we're fortunate, we may have a
relationship that only lasts a short
time but gives us everything we could
have possibly wanted or hoped for during
its tenure in our life.

Something to consider: many things in
life end. Why wouldn't a relationship?

Can you imagine telling an employer,
"No. I won't go." Even if you did,
you'd likely still have to leave.

Can you imagine graduating college
and saying, "No. I am going to stay
here, and keep taking classes."

Can you imagine taking a test for
a driver's license, passing, but
going back over and over to retake it?

Can you imagine selling a home, but
then saying you aren't going to leave?

While these things aren't exact
parallels to a relationship, they are
types of relationships and they're ones
that have a reputation for being the
type of thing that happens a certain,
limited way. When you get what you
need or expect from an experience,
you move on.

Might relationships benefit from
that type of perspective? After all,
we can no more hold onto a relationship
than we can anything else - even though
we certainly do cling for dear life
sometimes! The only problem is that
while we think we'd die apart, we are
slowly killing ourselves while we
stay in a situation that is sometimes
meant to end.