What's Love Got to do with It? | Video

Today I was talking with someone who is
in an abusive situation and doesn't want
to leave permanently because he loves
the person he is with. I say "permanently"
because there is much back and forth action
going on. There's a lot of arguing, a lot
of conflict, and a young child is involved.

This isn't an easy situation, even without
a child. When someone thinks they love
another, it tends to bind the most incompatible
people based on "love." I am not sure where
it was ever said that love equates to abuse
of any kind, and yet countless people have
found themselves in unfathomable situations
in the name of love.

Even if he stays because he loves the person,
how much can he love himself if he continues
to be abused by his partner?

All of his energies are focused on HER, and
not on himself and what is best for anyone.
The events are diversions from the things
within that aren't being addressed.

It is very difficult to look within, and even
more difficult to make a much needed change.
Recognizing what's there without an action
taken is hollow.

Many relationships do the dance that those
two are doing, and for very long periods of
time, often ending at some point. Each person
could save themselves a significant amount of
grief if they would be willing to truly look
at themselves and their situation.

The problem is that most times a person needs
to be in a place to be willing to look and
willing to listen and willing to see and
willing to act. In stressful situations, there
is likely to be even some hypnosis going on
that only reinforces the dysfunctional nature
of the relationship.

While it is painful for those intimately involved,
and feelings of all sorts, including potential
embarrassment, it isn't enough to get people to
do what they need to, until they are ready to do it.

You can nudge. You can suggest. You can push.
You can attempt to control. You can embarrass.
You can yell. You can scream. Nothing will
work until that one moment that the person is
willing to stand in the unknown and be able to
believe that the unknown is better than what they
are currently going through, and that they DO
indeed deserve better.

Where that comes from and when is one of those
mysteries of life. But when it happens, there
is nothing that will stop the person from acting
and moving forward.

If you want to make a change, but can't, unconsciously
there may be something holding you back. If your life
is not working for you, it would be worth taking a
look at how you define love and how it works or doesn't
work for you. You may not see a way out, but I
guarantee you there IS one.

What's love got to do with it? It is the foundation
that will help you find your way and then support
you in the choices you make to get you where it is
best for you to be.

If "love" doesn't empower, then it isn't love.