On the Numbers... | About Me

I did say I was going to tell you
yesterday what the numbers in the
blog of a couple of days ago meant
to me, and I am a bit late.

Oops.

Got caught up with some "stuff."

I appreciated Isisfollower's additional
numbers, and thoughts, and still welcome
the thoughts of others as well.

These numbers come at a time when there
have been several people who have come
back to me after an absence. I have
learned that I can never count on
someone calling more than just the
call that is the current one.

I know people I speak with what to
feel like I am invested in our
conversation, and I certainly am.
Sometimes even more than I should be.

However, I have learned to keep myself
in a space in which I can totally and
completely appreciate what is without
becoming attached to all of the many
who call me.

If you think about it, it makes sense.
After all, if I got attached and
expected you'd be calling all the
time and you didn't, it would be a
disappointment for me.

This is not to say that when you are
silent I don't think about you, and
wonder how you are, and what is going
on in your life. Believe me when I
say if we've spoken a few times, I
more than likely DO remember you and
you WILL cross my mind at some time
or another.

It is in the nature of who I am to
care about those I speak with. I
may not always remember every detail,
but I remember more than some think
I would.

I feel as though the numbers mean
something and nothing all at the
same time. For some, the numbers
would mean that they're just one
of many, a paycheck for me. I'd
say that it's the numbers of people
who have allowed me into their mind
that has provided me opportunities
to become who I am and has provided
perspective that I can now bring
to my conversation and hypnosis
with each person I speak with.

I do what I do because I like to
do it. Sometimes I even LOVE what
I do. There are many variables
that go into what makes the
difference between love and like,
so please refrain from reading too
much into it.

I'd like to think the numbers
represent how much I do enjoy
what I do, as there are repeat
callers.

I'd also like to think the numbers
mean I am doing something right.
How could I have been doing this
for so long and with such consistency
if I wasn't giving a majority of
people what they're asking for.

In a world in which "fresh meat"
is a lure, I feel very fortunate
to have those who want to - and
do - come back. I feel very
fortunate that people recognize
that I recognize things about
them, their attitudes, and their
desires, and that I in some way
can give them what they need.

It also means to me that I get
to be myself - and it works! :P

I know many struggle with how to
be true to themselves, often feeling
that who they are is in some way
inferior, and when one steps into
who s/he is, it isn't always
comfortable, or easy. I know this
because I have been there.

It hasn't often been easy being me.
From Day One I have felt a need to
carve out my place in the erotic
hypnotic world - a place that
often hasn't aligned with the
"marketplace" or the "shoppers."

It has at times been frustrating
and maddening. However I knew
the only way it would work for me
is if I was as true to myself as
I could be. It turns out that
that is the only way it really
works out for anyone else, too.

Above all, the numbers mean to me
that there are many people to thank
for the way that I have been fortunate
enough to make a living the last
several years. It hasn't always
been easy, as I have never been
one to limit another's experience.
I would like to think that in the
end it all becomes what it needs
to be for the best of all who I
am touched by and those I get to
touch with my hypnotic words and
hypnotic fingers.

I am also extremely appreciative
of those who were with me at the
start. It was their willingness
to allow me to use them as "guinea
pigs" or "lab rats" that helped
me get my feet wet, and what has
now allowed you to swim in pleasure.
Amazingly enough, there are a few
of them that are still in touch.

If you're one of those people,
please know that you have a
special place in my mind and
heart.

And if you're not one of those
firsts, you still have a special
place (it's just a different one)
in my mind and heart.

Hard to do this for as long as I
have, and be untouched by those
who have called.

Those numbers may mean something,
but the real meaning comes from
the moments that we share,
something that is much more
difficult to measure and define
than a bunch of numbers.