Does it Bother You That I am Married?

I sometimes get asked that question:
Does it bother you that I am married?

Interestingly, if it did bother me
that men who were married called me,
I wouldn't have many men to talk to,
because I think that they (and men
in a relationship) account for
at least 50% of those I speak to.

I know there are some men who would
take more objection to the idea than
I do. These same men couldn't imagine
being in a relationship feeling that
they needed to go and speak erotically
with another.

Occasionally (although it is a fairly
small percentage) I will get a man
whose significant other knows that he
calls a phone sex line - and even
encourages it.

It is a tricky subject, this. There
are many women who would take issue
not only with their man making the
call, but the fact that there is a
woman he can make the call to.

Is it OK for a man to make the call?

A loaded question if I ever heard one.

You likely realize - even if you don't
want to acknowledge it - that there
are going to be those who will say,
"Yes, absolutely, no harm done," and
there will be those who will say,
"Absolutely...NO."

In between there are a whole designer's
bunch of grays.

Where I fall is that if it's OK for
you, then it is OK for me.

Having said that, I also want to add
that there might be things to be
considered within the dynamic we may
create.

You may want to come to the call, and
forget that you have a wife or significant
other, and you may want to keep that
part of your life "separate." That
is something I can respect, however
it is important to for me to know if
you have someone else so that my
suggestions do not interfere with the
dynamic you have with that person.

You may think you should be the sole
arbiter of deciding that, but if you
are hypnotically affected, you will
not always recognize or realize it,
and what we do could have the VERY
REAL possibility of sneaking up on
you - and not necessarily in a good
way.

In addition, I find that there are
occasions in which someone will call
me as an escape to their current
situation. In and of itself that
isn't necessarily a bad thing, but
if you have a tendency to take up
residence there and hide out more
than you are dealing with what is
happening in your life for real, you
may be not only doing yourself a
disservice, you may also run the
risk of hurting yourself or another
as things avoided sometimes come
back and bite one on the butt.

Asking me the question is probably
not a bad idea, however perhaps a
better question to ask is does it
bother me that I am married and
doing this?

Societal guilt will likely want to
prompt a YES from you. However I
am not one to pull that card. As
a result, I swim in murkier, more
controversial waters. I am a believer
that we all know what is best for us,
and that we very often do not do it.

The reasons we don't do it aren't
always clear, and the reasons we do
it aren't always (or often) understood
by others.

Being driven by guilt is never a good
thing, and yet it is an ample fuel in
the society in which we live. The
problem is it may drive us, but we
don't always want to go where it wants
us to. It can in turn create lots of
problems and difficulties work-wise and
personally.

The place to start is with oneself, but
it is sometimes the hardest place to look.
The place to begin is with the facts -
divorced of their meaning.

When you can look within, and you can
review the facts, you can then decide
what you need to do. It could be that
what you need is to make a change in
your life, and that calling someone
like me is just covering it up, stalling
any changes from being made.

If you are OK with that, who would I -
or anyone else - be to say anything
about it? In our own situations we
may have our own dilemmas to face, and
the results of which to live with.

The same goes for you.
You have choices.
Your choices will create results.

That is what it comes down to.

Along the way you might consider other
things and those you will affect, but
without being clear about yourself,
your goals, your wishes, your desires,
your willingness to live with the
outcome (whether it is a desirable one,
or not) you will likely find yourself
drifting in life, once in a while finding
what you think is an answer, only to
find that it is a mirage that will
disappear leaving you unprepared for
what you are truly facing and leaving
you thirstier than ever.

In the end, it won't bother me that
you are married, but it WILL bother me
if you don't tell me that you are.
You may not think it is any of my
business, but I promise you, it is
wise for you to make it my business.

What we do next, we'll create together,
and you'll likely be glad we did.