Loving Unconditionally

I once lived with someone who believed
that in order for there to be love,
it had to look, feel, and be a certain
way.

I didn't agree.

I also didn't know how much I actually
knew at the time because at the time
I had more a "feeling" than anything
to really back up what I felt.

I used to tell him I loved him - and
it didn't matter what he did, or
didn't do. There was a lot that I
didn't like of what he did and he
didn't do, but I was as clear as I
could be at the time that I did,
indeed, love him.

While I was clear that he didn't have
the same way of looking at things,
as it seemed his "love" for me waivered
by how I was or wasn't, what I didn't
get for a long time was that I didn't
love myself in equal measure.

Why do I say this?

Because we were together much longer
than we should have been. If I had
loved myself more, I wouldn't have
let my love for him keep me in a
relationship that did not work.

Of course, there was more to it than
"just" the idea of love, and its
definition, but looking back I can
see it much more clearly.

Sometimes people can not be the way
we would like or need them to be,
and we can love them any way. But,
it does not mean we need to love
them in a relationship that denies
us of who we are, or what we need.

Sometimes the greatest gift of love
for ourselves and/or another is to
acknowledge the love and create a
new way to love, which may or may
not be a relationship (which,
incidentally, holds true for any
type of relationship, intimate, or not.)

Of course, opinions will vary on this,
and there will be a whole bunch of
"buts" and considerations. However,
consider that there may be a hallow
foundation in a relationship in which
either or both of its parties deny
themselves, and sooner or later -
depending on the overall picture -
you may feel the collapse, which could
a lot worse than walking away intentionally.