Sexy in the Citi

There's always more than 2 sides to any story,
and in the case of Debralee Lorenzana, an
attractive ex-Citi employee, one may never
know what THE truth is.

However, there is something about this story
that I can speak to, and that is her claim
that she was often asked to dress differently.

More than once in my working career my clothing
was commented on, and not favorably. Being a
woman with curves, it is difficult to be able
to find attire that doesn't fit the curves.

Until we can find a way to interact with our
sexuality in a balanced way, it would seem to
me that there will continue to be issues in
the workplace regarding attire.

As for me, there were times when things said
did make me uncomfortable, and yet there were
other times when I could just tell a guy was
just "being a guy," and I took it in stride,
and even as a compliment.

Whether we're working or not, we are still
a sexual being, and while it may be that
certain things are better in a more discreet
context, the more we try to stifle that part
of ourselves, the stronger it will be, and
likely in seemingly inappropriate ways.

Guys are already pretty discreet in their
fascination and work fixations. I had some
idea when I was still working in corporate
America, but it was minimal. I have gotten
quite the education from those I have spoken
with, and am now convinced that what I was
aware of was only the tip of the iceberg.

As with anything, I don't know what the
answer is, however I suspect it isn't in
the attempts to control things. Have you
ever heard of the example of a hand full
of sand? The harder you try to hold on
to it, the more it falls through your
fingers. When you gently cup it, you have
a much better hold on things.

The more tightly we try to regulate something,
the more possible it might be to make things
worse. The more I "rolled" with the comments,
the less likely they were to be an issue.
Sometimes I even surprised guys by how I
reacted, often observing things - but without
judging them.

I wonder what people will take away from
this story, as it would be easy to get caught
up in the superficial dynamic of her looks
vs. how effective she was in her job. For
her that may be what it comes down to.

For the rest of us, it might be a way for
us to get some perspective on sexuality and
the workplace, and something constructive
could come out of it.

Sadly, I think the tendency will likely be
the former...but I will hope for the latter,
if that is OK with you :)

Have a great day!

(PS Here's what some men had to say about
Debralee and her attire. Interestingly,
in my case it was almost always women
who had something to say about how I
dressed, but not in a good way. I
suspect there might be a gender divide
in reaction, although I want to acknowledge,
as always, that I don't believe in absolute
statements, and while there may seem to be
a tendency to go one way, it won't be 100%
of the time with 100% of the people.
For me it is interesting and valuable to
step back, observe and ask questions to
get to the core of a debate).