The Dance of the Minds

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships.
Relationships that we have we others, intimate and
otherwise, as well as the one we have with ourself.

Relationships of any kind can be like walking a tight
rope. How do we best do wahat we need to for ourselves
as well as treat those we care about in a way that works
for them?

I have often said that compromise is one thing, but if
one feels compromised in the process of compromising,
then that usually spells more trouble for a relationship,
as it will come out in some way, at some point, and not
likely in a good one.

We have to respect where we are, and then figure out
where to go from there. That, in some way, is a problem
in that where we are isn't always the place that is
best for us. Many times the place we are has everything
to do with our unconscious choices.

Our unconscious strives for the comfortable. The
comfortable is familiar. So it seeks the familiar.
So if we have been unhappy in a relationship for a
long time we may say we want out, but we do not get
out because we have become accustomed to the familiarity
of the discomfort.

Logically it may seem odd, and we may like to think
that we have more to say about it logically than that,
but the ego can't admit that it has so little ability
to affect things, and so often does not realize how
infrequently it is in control, as the unconscious has
us act, as if we were in autopilot. For some it can
be like a good trance. Things happen before the
conscious mind has a chance for input. Then, when
things are already in place, the conscious mind
explains them being there as a matter of choice.
"I may not be happy, but I have to stay, for the kids."

And then it is forgotten until something else stirs
the pot, and the cycle repeats, in some way fortifying
the cycle and the particular outcome. Ever wonder
why something is so painful to change? In part it is
because we have fortified it so much that we have
much to work through to really break down what is
there and break through our patterns that really have
the best of intentions, but really are only standing
in our way.

The best way to be in regard to this is to have your
conscious mind as engaged in questioning as psssible.
It won't always know the answers and it might at times
be frustrating as hell. But when the unconscious mind
is left unquestioned, it is like a song on repeat.
It is not likekly to stop on its own. Something has
to interrupt it. Something has to affect it in a way
that will interrupt its pattern, and change it.

Of course your unconscious mind doesn't want this,
so it will likely fight you, at first. But, you
can win it over by helping it create a new pattern
and ultimately a new outcome that can become as
familiar as anything else that has come before.

You can settle for the limitations of your unonscious
mind's experience, or you can seek to find ways to
expand yourself. Making your unconscious mind your
ally will give you the best possible chance to truly
be in sync and to stop justifying those things that
tend to limit you further.

Realizing these things may help a bit when trying
to figure out what to do within a relationship.
Understanding yourself will help, and so will
understanding that your partner is having his or
her own dance with their unconscious, perhaps
fighting for something he or she doesn't really
want, but fighting to the death for it.

Left to its own devices, the unconscious mind
will never let you do "wrong" according to what
it believes to be true, and your ego always needs
to be right. Can you see how incredibly,
successfully dysfunctional that could wind up being?

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