"Don't break my heart"

I had a strange dream last night.

I was dreaming about a friend of mine,
and her husband. In the dream he was
talking about how she (my friend) had
some rules for him when they first got
together, one of which was "Don't break
my heart."

I don't remember much more about the
dream, but I woke up thinking about
how as a whole people don't want their
heart to break, and how this belief
has them interact with others.

For some, it never means reaching out,
and allowing the vulnerability that
begets love. For others, when things
don't work out they blame the person
who broke their heart for not treating
the love the way they believe it should
have been treated.

The problem is that (as I have discussed
before) sometimes people confuse love
with the things that come to represent
love so when those things go away, the
appearance of love tends to disappear
with it.

Notice I said "appearance" because love
can still be present, and just not look
and feel the way the recipient wants it to.

The question might be if a person doesn't
recognize love, does love exist?

It's a valid question, and one can't look
at the question without considering the
responsibility aspect for all parties
concerned. Who is responsible for the
recognition of love?

There is also the language factor in love.
Some "speak" love differently than others.
If someone speaks it differently, one must
either learn the other's language, teach
their own language, or at least learn how
to interpret what is there so that each
person can benefit from what is available.

So many factors...it is amazing how we
manage to get along sometimes, you know?

The fact is that love can exist for another
without there having to be sex or a
relationship involved. Sometimes it is an
act of love to break up with someone if
things aren't working out.

Society in general doesn't often make these
distinctions, and when expectations that
love is going to look, sound, and feel a
certain way aren't met by someone they're
in love with, often that is when a person
feels that their heart is broken by that
person.

And who has those expectations? The
person who feels that they're heart is
broken, not the person perceived to be
breaking the heart.

So if you ever think that someone has the
possibility of breaking your heart, you
may want to think again.

Just so you know, I know this isn't easy.
Relationships can sometimes be so very
rewarding, especially when our hopes and
desires (often translated into expectations)
are met by another we care about.

There are sometimes disappointments when
something shifts, and we no longer have
what we need. That is when it is important
to find out what is important, and when
communication is even more important than
before.

Relationships can be forced by their
expectations, but they become uncomfortable
nightmares. Is that what you really want?

Odds are I would think not. That is why
you'd likely want to know how to separate
out the things that matter and know how
to communicate with others about them in
a way that is responsible to you and honors
the other person.

Possible? Yes. Easy? Well...like anything,
it can get easier with time and
with practice.

Sometimes love means growing together, and
sometimes love means saying good bye.
Knowing, acknowledging, and loving yourself
(among other things) will give you the ability
to recognize which is which, and even if you
were to find yourself without what you need,
you might be able to avoid the feeling that
someone has "broken your heart."

If you think about it, what you are most
likely to be feeling is a case of
disappointment that things didn't go the
way YOU wanted them to, based on expectations
YOU had, and while the other person was
involved, what is ultimately causing you
the feeling is -- YOU.

Sorry...I know it is so much better and
easier to blame the other person. Ooops,
maybe I should have warned you before you
read too far? That's OK...if that is you,
I can always hypnotize you to forget what
you just read. ;)

On the other hand, the good news is that
if anyone ever tells you you broke their
heart, you now know better.

Be well, and be loved.

PS Have you heard my recordings about love?
If not, check this out (click here) for
more on love and the recordings.