I Try

Today I was talking to someone about something,
and he said I would do the right thing. When
I asked how he knew that what I did would be
the right thing, he told me because I tell him
to use his intuition, and he was certain I must
follow my own advice.

Well nah, nah, nah, nah.
*Grumble* and a giggle
(not really, but it sounded good).

I do live much of my life by my gut feelings,
but there are times I am like some I talk to,
and am not clear which part of me is doing the
talking. Of course I hope it is the part that
does the best job of looking out for me. The
only "problem" is that just because it looks
out for me, doesn't mean I won't be hurt. It
doesn't mean I won't be disappointed. It
doesn't mean I will get what I want.

Sometimes we walk into situations with full
force and with the best of expectations and
other times it may be more cautiously, but
how we enter a situation doesn't matter as
much as how we potentially exit one.

And that is important because unfortunately,
despite our best of intentions and our
desires, other people in our lives may have
other ideas, and we may never know what they
are, or understand them - even if we do.

So, while we may think we know what the heck
we are doing at times, we may not have a
freakin' clue. The thing is to also be
careful about reacting to the past in the
present. If you do - or don't do - something
because of what happened in the past, some
will call it learning. Others might call
it fear. One can be built upon, the other
takes away.

Which one is which can't always be clear.
I had a moment in my life when I was very
clear that many of my past decisions were
coming from a place of fear - despite the
fact that at the time I thought I was
"facing the fear, and doing it any way."

It was a very devastating moment. It was also
a moment for me to build upon. I was no longer
on a false foundation, and could now build
something different - if I chose to.

I'd like to say it gets easier. But I am not
sure I believe that. But what I do believe is
that over time we become a bit more aware that
there are things we do that hinder us and there
are things we do that help us, and sometimes
they come disguised as their opposite.

In the game of life there seem to be rules that
aren't meant to be understood, rules that aren't
totally spelled out, rules that seem to be made
up as we go along. Makes me wonder if the rules
really matter at all, or if it is how we play
in and around them that has the value.

As always, I welcome YOUR thoughts.

Have a good night.

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