Some insight into my world...an IM conversation

At the risk of altering Isis Mystique,
I am about to share an IM conversation
I had today.

I find that it is difficult to convey
all of who I am in an identity that is
carved out of a stereotype and its
related expectations.

I also find that there are many that I
converse with who are mixes of desire
and disdain for who and what they are
and are becoming.

Some would continue to take you down
that road, in part, because it's what
you say you want. I, on the other hand,
approach things differently.

It doesn't work for everyone, and in
some ways it costs me in terms of "subs"
and potential income from mindless drones
and slaves, however, it is how I feel
best as Isis, and it is how I operate.

The beauty is you can take it or leave it.

People come to me demanding that I be a
different way, or interact with an
expectation of who I am.

You will do yourself a favor by coming to
me without those expectations, and
allowing yourself to be exposed to the
unfolding experience of what is Isis.

XXXXXX
8:37 AM
Nice subtle yahoo name

8:37 AM
But I do know how effective repeating and rereading phrases can be.

isis
8:38 AM
I never want people to feel something they don't want to feel
8:38 AM
and...
8:38 AM
at the same time
8:38 AM
I find that the people who need to find me for one reason or another do

XXXXXX
8:39 AM
They find you?

isis
8:39 AM
"find"
8:39 AM
or, if you prefer, "discover"

XXXXXX
8:40 AM
You do want people like me to obey you, though, hence your screen name, correct?

isis
8:40 AM
yes, and no

XXXXXX
8:41 AM
Your don't want me to become your good obedient little slave?
isis
8:42 AM
I am not your usual Domme

XXXXXX
8:42 AM
So the answer is no, you don't?

isis
8:42 AM
I want what you want, as long as what you want isn't going be harmful or detrimental to you
8:43 AM
I enjoy what I do,
8:43 AM
and I enjoy good boys
8:43 AM
but never at their expense
8:43 AM
not knowing you...I can't say if I do or I don't want that

XXXXXX
8:44 AM
You spent an hour with me last night
8:44 AM
or however long it was
8:44 AM
though you were more focused on XXXXX

isis
8:45 AM
He's fun to play with
8:45 AM
I ask you again...what do you want?

XXXXXX
8:46 AM
So why do your NF listings have little suggestions in the backgrounfd like, obey, call no one else, good boy?

isis
8:47 AM
because it catches the attention of those who want to be that
8:47 AM
or explore that

XXXXXX
8:47 AM
and that's what you enjoy and profit from
8:47 AM
so you want it

isis
8:48 AM
I am not sure what you are saying, or trying to get at

XXXXXX
8:48 AM
obviously someone who has no interest won't bother with you

isis
8:48 AM
and I HATE IM...
8:48 AM
it doesn't convey everything
8:48 AM
there is more to me than meets the eye
8:48 AM
and usually people discover that
8:49 AM
so again...I ask you...what do YOU want?

XXXXXX
8:49 AM
Ok
8:50 AM
Part of me wants to be seduced, brainwashed, mindfucked, erotically charged, kind of helpless to resist a woman

isis
8:51 AM
"a" woman or any woman?
8:51 AM
and what about other parts?

XXXXXX
8:52 AM
And part of me wants to get over my attraction to online women, pervy desires, and to be normal and faithful and to make my wife happier
8:53 AM
And I tend to often give in toward the first part, and then feel guilty because of the second part

isis
8:53 AM
This is why I present myself as I do
8:53 AM
I find many people like yourself
8:53 AM
AND
8:54 AM
I am the type of person who understands, and can help people experience things and help them find themselves and/or balance

XXXXXX
8:54 AM
A particular irresistible woman would be best for the first part, and not a bitchy, greedy one, though I am often attracted to that type

isis
8:54 AM
it's an odd dynamic I have...
8:55 AM
however, those who are willing to take the journey with me usually benefit
8:55 AM
If you were my good boy I would tell you

XXXXXX
8:55 AM
And i do get very turned on by a smart, manipulative woman who knows how to push my buttons

isis
8:56 AM
you need to be the best good boy you can be
8:56 AM
for you to feel as you do, likely there was some hypnosis (intentional or otherwise) that has affected you.
8:56 AM
hypnosis is more common than people realize

XXXXXX
8:56 AM
and i get very turned on being told what to feel and think and be excited by

isis
8:57 AM
have you been hypnotized?

XXXXXX
8:58 AM
i don't think so, though i've listened to some recordings, talked to some dommes and felt myself responding

isis
8:58 AM
well...then you HAVE been hypnotized

XXXXXX
8:58 AM
it might be more simple conditioning than hypnosis

isis
8:58 AM
conditioning often can be hypnosis
8:58 AM
hypnosis can often be conditioning

XXXXXX
8:59 AM
i used to chat occassionally to a woman online, who would always recite the same words about how i responded to her, maybe 30 times over several months
9:00 AM
and eventually, i started feeling those things automatically

isis
9:00 AM
that could definitely have an effect

XXXXXX
9:00 AM
though I think I might have originally given her the words...lol

isis
9:00 AM
you have to decide - CHOOSE - very soon what you want otherwise these suggestions WILL choose for you
9:01 AM
your words CAN be used against you
9:01 AM
and why do you think they can work so well?

XXXXXX
9:03 AM
and i have certain typical subbie feelings of wanting to feel humiliated, degraded, broken down to where i can no longer resist a stronger woman---but then i feel guilty and resentful sometimes about that too
9:03 AM
i know i am suggestable, because i want to be dominated and used

isis
9:03 AM
I run into this often

XXXXXX
9:04 AM
i'm sure you do

isis
9:04 AM
and guys sometimes think that I want to take away their pleasure by my approach
9:04 AM
the fact is that I want to replace it - often with something even more pleasureable

XXXXXX
9:05 AM
i'm not worried about you taking pleasure away

isis
9:05 AM
after all, they apparently care about their lives and their wives or gf
9:05 AM
and I want to help them find themselves and find balance
9:05 AM
I have no idea what that means for an individual - until he and I speak

XXXXXX
9:07 AM
in fact, i am sometimes turned on by bitchy women suggesting my wife is piggish and i should devote myself to them---that kind of overriding control is exciting to me---but then i realize that in reality, i nether do nor want to feel that
9:08 AM
i guess the idea of finding a supersexual woman who turns me into a foolish unresisting drone excites me

isis
9:08 AM
well...you have to decide what you want before it gets to the point that you really can't choose
9:09 AM
you're doing things apparently to reinforce the "negative"
9:09 AM
I am sure you've found the drive stronger

XXXXXX
9:10 AM
i kind of expected you to take the approach like others do of telling me straight up that i want to bey you and submit to you

isis
9:10 AM
LOL
9:10 AM
sorry if I disappointed you

XXXXXX
9:10 AM
you didn't
9:11 AM
it's just exciting to hear that...lol

isis
9:11 AM
I am VERY good at what I do

XXXXXX
9:11 AM
and to flirt with it

isis
9:11 AM
and it is VERY pleasureable
9:11 AM
you might be surprised should
9:11 AM
you decide to call
9:12 AM
I love the idea of exclusive GOOD BOYs
9:12 AM
especially when I know they are being the
9:12 AM
BEST GOOD BOY
9:12 AM
they can be

XXXXXX
9:13 AM
i want to say "Yes Maam" but that seems wrong

isis
9:13 AM
it can work here...why do you think it seems wrong?
9:14 AM
what would be right about serving and submitting to
9:14 AM
someone who is sensual and cares about you and your well being

XXXXXX
9:15 AM
i don't really sent you want that from me, even though writing Goodboy and best goodboy in caps is kind of pushing a button
9:15 AM
sense, not sent

isis
9:15 AM
Yes Maam works....
9:15 AM
although I prefer Yes Isis
9:15 AM
and I also prefer to talk vs IM

XXXXXX
9:15 AM
Yes, Isis
9:16 AM
i noticed Yes, Isis on your NF buttons
9:16 AM
and noticed that many of your old buttons don't seem to work anymore

isis
9:17 AM
if you want something I can get it to you personally

XXXXXX
9:17 AM
It is kind of nice to say Yes Isis

isis
9:17 AM
with their problems lately I haven't done anything to change anything...as it is a lot of work...
9:17 AM
LOL...you have no idea how good YES ISIS can feel
9:17 AM
just ask xxxxx

XXXXXX
9:18 AM
I believe you
XXXXXX
9:19 AM
Was I obnoxious last night?

isis
9:20 AM
you have an interesting way about you
9:20 AM
I suspect you are more angry about things that you are willing to admit, or perhaps even know....

XXXXXX
9:20 AM
I vacillate between arrogant, confident guy and submissive self-loathing dirtbag....lol

isis
9:21 AM
well...when you want to stop that rollercoaster...
9:21 AM
I can put you on a much more pleasureable one

XXXXXX
9:21 AM
Do you have formal training in hypnosis or are you self-taught?

isis
9:21 AM
I am a combo...some training/real experience/more training
9:22 AM
experience being the BEST teacher

XXXXXX
9:22 AM
So what about your personality likes dominating guys that way? Why did you pursue this?
9:23 AM
I am also very interested in dommes themselves
9:24 AM
About 30 years ago, I did join in an onstage demo of hypnosis

isis
9:24 AM
I am sorry...but my ability to "just chat" is somewhat limited these days...you are welcome to call...or we can talk more if we meet up in Inraptured
9:24 AM
I have to go for now...

XXXXXX
9:25 AM
OK
9:25 AM
Thanks for talking

isis
9:25 AM
have a good day

XXXXXX
9:25 AM
Why do I read that as be a good boy?
9:25 AM
You too

isis
9:26 AM
you know you want to be a GOOD BOY and call me, that's why...LOL
9:26 AM
you know the good boy in you probably needs someone like me

XXXXXX
9:27 AM
i know when a woman tells me something like that, it repeats over and over in my head

isis
9:28 AM
you do seem to be quite suggestible...I would be really careful who and what you listen to

-EDIT-

my dear...
9:37 AM
you have to decide what you want
9:37 AM
it goes back to my question
9:37 AM
what do you want
9:37 AM
and then you need to take action
9:38 AM
to make it happen
9:38 AM
stop playing games with your life
9:38 AM
your life is more valuable than these games
9:38 AM
and should you see that
9:38 AM
you will likely make the best choices for you
9:38 AM
I am here if you want my type of assistance

XXXXXX
9:38 AM
Can I ask one rational question?

isis
9:39 AM
sure

XXXXXX
9:39 AM
Don't be offended by this

isis
9:39 AM
love comments like that

XXXXXX
9:39 AM
But it's also regularly in my head
9:40 AM
Why the Hell would a well educated, high functioning person want to be dominated and pay to be made more subservient, and why would that be good for him?

isis
9:41 AM
are you asking because you are trying to understand yourself
9:42 AM
or some other reason?

XXXXXX
9:42 AM
That's what my second part asks, rebelling against the first part, and thinking, don't be a fool.

isis
9:42 AM
like I said before I HATE IM...this is no way to have a real conversation

XXXXXX
9:42 AM
lol

isis
9:42 AM
second of all...

XXXXXX
9:42 AM
ok

isis
9:43 AM
I am spending time I don't really have talking to someone who is going in circles,
9:43 AM
I am willing to help
9:43 AM
but not at my expense
9:43 AM
lastly...
9:43 AM
and to answer your question...
9:43 AM
there are all kinds of reasons which are not limited to any one thing
9:43 AM
you could be stressed, and want the release
9:44 AM
you could have been treated horribly while feeling aroused, and it stuck with you
9:44 AM
you could have had 1 instance of something and then proceeded to reinforce it over time
9:44 AM
it is all conditioning
9:44 AM
and you DO get something from it
9:44 AM
even if it is only unconsciously understood
9:44 AM
OK...
9:44 AM
I'm done

XXXXXX
9:45 AM
Yes, Isis
9:45 AM
Thank you

isis
9:45 AM
you're welcome

PS Interestingly, just as I posted this, I
saw the Thought for the Moment on the right
was: "Remember that you are a unique
individual with unique gifts and talents.
You may even have special talents you've
never discovered."

As a Goddess/As a Domme that is where I
come from. I believe that within everyone
is someone great, and when someone wants to
be my GOOD BOY and wants to serve me, I want
the BEST of those GOOD BOYs.

Can you imagine how good that feels?