On Communication, Absolutes, & Relationships

Recently someone wanted me to confirm
that women always talk about - and
think about - the size of the "little
brain" of men.

While I can't speak for every woman,
I have to say I can't confirm that
statement, and actually have *proof*
to the opposite effect.

I read about women, and hear about
women, that will say emphatically
that "all" women "always" care about
those things, and talk about them.

You may know, if you know me, that
I am no fan of absolutes, as I
believe very few things live up
to their perceived absolute nature.

I think absoluteness lives within
the context in which it is built.
Often I believe that something is
absolute within a perspective that
is built upon someone's experience.

Change any facet of that equation,
and what is considered absolute
will likely vary from what it was
perceived to be.

Having said that, it is important
(I'd say) to determine what your
absolutes are, and if they're
absolutes that you want within
your life.

If they're not, there is a good
chance you may be able to alter
what you believe to be true.
It may not be easy, but possible,
yes.

In my experience one wants to know
what a person's beliefs are in
order to best interact with them.

The other day someone told me that
his wife wasn't so great in regard
to some of what he wanted, enjoyed.

When I suggested that he communicate
to her that things weren't so great,
the "usual" issues came up. After
all, when you've been with someone
a long time and suddenly something
new shows up, there is likely to be
a question.

Unfortunately many people suck at
communication, and for that reason
much is left uncommunicated, or is
ineffectively communicated. There
can also be all kinds of emotions
that come from that, as well.

I suggested that he could say
something like, "In regard to XXX,
I want you to know that things
aren't quite the way I'd like them
to be. I know you're trying, and
it is unfair to you that I haven't
yet been able to express to you
what I need."

By saying it that way, it takes
the responsibility of any perceived
failure off of his wife, and opens
up the channels of communication,
and possibly paves the way to what
he truly wants.

He could stick with an absolute
that said that his wife is unable
to understand or deliver what he
needs, or he could venture into
the unknown waters of communication,
and seek out what it is that he wants.

We'll see how it goes - or if he even
gets back to me to tell me what happened.

Any which way, it provided an opportunity
to share this with you. Perhaps if you're
struggling with something, my words will
give you something to consider.

We think just because we speak we
communicate. Unfortunately though
communication comes in various forms,
including silence, and at times words
can be the least effective. At other
times, knowing how words can effect
the message we are trying to relay
can also be one of the most effective
ways to communicate what we need to.

The thing is, though, it is something
like many things need to be learned,
and there aren't many ways to learn
how to be effective. Not only that,
adults often don't like to fail, so
at the first sign of failure, there
can be a tendency to clam up, and
settle for something less than what
we are capable of - and - likely deserve.
 

ugh | a call that is all too typical | Things you should know

Me: Hello.
XX: Hi this is xx.
Me: Did you read my ad?
XX: Yeah.
Me: So you're looking for hypnosis?
XX: Yeah.
Me: Do you have any questions?
XX: How long does it take?
Me: 30 minutes for a first session.
Nice thing is that additional sessions
can be much shorter. You want to make
sure you have at least that much time,
otherwise you may even waste your money.
Do you have that much time?
XX: Yeah.
Me: Are you sure?
XX: Yeah.
Me: Because I don't want you wasting
your money. One other thing...even
though people say...
ONE MINUTE WARNING
Me: You are such a liar, XX.
What do you want to do?
XX: I just want to know what I will feel.
Me: What do you want to feel?
XX: Like I am having sex.
Me: Odds are good that you will. However
everyone is different, and you'll need
to cooperate with me for your best
chance to feel what you want to feel.
Make sure you add 30 minutes if you
want to do a session.

TIME RUNS OUT. CALL ENDS....hang up?
HE DOESN'T CALL BACK.

Oddly enough, I can usually tell when
someone is "yessing" me. He wanted me to
hurry to start the process with only a
couple of minutes paid...like that was
going to tell him anything. He had no
questions because he didn't want to take
the time to ask them.

In the end, his lack of honesty with me
had him wasting the little bit of money
he did have to spend.

If you're going to call me, be honest.
Otherwise you are wasting both your
time and your money, and you may just
wind up in a blog like this one.

I promise you, you will find that I am
more than fair. If things don't progress
as they should within 10 minutes, I do
not keep you on. I will stop things and
tell you what we should do next.

I am more interested in you having a
quality experience than I am in milking
you for a few dollars.
 

Santa's Gonna Make You MINE this Christmas | Video

I might change the lyric a bit...
but it mostly works...look out for Santa. ;)

You get all of me... | More about me

Well...perhaps that's not exactly accurate.

However, there is a point I want to make.

Someone who has called me in the past called
me recently and I said something about how
he comes to the call. Often he does something
prior to the call that makes the things he
wants to happen next to impossible.

I have worked with him, and told him that
whatever the outcome of the call, it's all
good. But even though I have said that, I
can often hear him getting upset, frustrated,
and feeling like he may be disappointing me.

I have suggested more than once that he either
refrain from that thing, or be OK with the
resulting outcome - whatever it is.

He has fluffed me off over this, and said I
was lecturing him. While he is free to have
that interpretation, it is not how I see it.

How I see it is that I care about him - and
his experience - and I am unwilling to
compromise. I am unwilling to be someone
who just goes into an automatic kind of mode.
If that is what he is looking for, then he
should stop calling me, and call someone else.

How I approach things, what I say and what I
do have to do with who I am. It DOES NOT
work for everyone. I accept this fact and
will not pretend to be something and someone
that I am not.

As a result, I will not just blankly go along
with all requests, and will likely speak my mind,
but hopefully in a way that respects your mind
and your right to choose.

If you call me, this is something you should
know. I still remember a comment a while back
that said I had my own agenda. It was a wee
bit ironic, given the category, however it
stemmed from me spending a couple of minutes
(if even that) talking to the person and telling
him some things I tell pretty much everyone who
calls me. Granted, these are things *I* think
are important, however he was calling *me.* So
he was going to get *my* take on things.

I suppose in the world of NF people often expect
cookie cutter experiences. The irony is that
while many do, there are just as many who are
tired of the same old thing. There is a world
out there that has very few options for people
who might want some companionship or some help
that isn't worthy of a psychiatrist's chair.

There is a range of conversation that doesn't
necessarily fit into the friendship realm, but
has no realm to express itself.

That is the realm I function in. There is a
lot to me. Those who allow me to be that person
get to experience me in ways that others don't.

It seems to me that many need a person like me,
and just don't know it...until they're in the
midst of it because for most the situation for
many remains "undiagnosed."

However, even undiagnosed, it is a situation
that requires attention, and it is why I think
many gravitate to phone sex. For some heavy
breathing may just be heavy breathing but for
others it may be an attempt to fill in what
feels like it is missing.

This is without judgment. We all do the best
we can with what we got. This is an observation,
and perhaps one for you to consider.

In the meantime, know that when you contact me
you will get whatever part of me decides to
show up. You may not like it, and then again
you may just love it. Any which way, you have
the choice to find someone else, or take
advantage of what is in front of you.

I know this will likely discourage some from
calling me, and perhaps that is a good thing.
I never want people to be disappointed by their
experience. However, please know that at the
heart of what I say and do is a care that I
have for you and compassion for the person you
are and for whatever your experience of life
may be up until that moment.

I don't always act as I did with this caller,
but do when it feels like what must be done.
So if you're calling for a good time, and to
enjoy yourself - odds are that is just what
will happen.
 

Naughty & Nice | Isis Video

So...before this video went bye-bye on
YT, I thought I would share it here.

Enjoy!

 

It has been a long day...

and a long week...

I hope it gets better soon.

And this YT mess bothers me
because of how it is approached.

I want to say more, but am too
tired...and have work I need to
do at some point to preserve
the videos somewhere.

This sucks.

Oh well.
Onward.
Upward.
Sweet dreams.
 

Stare & Enjoy | Isis Video

Another recently banned video.

Gotta figure out another way
to do something with these.

Odds are fairly good others
will soon go bye-bye on YT.

If nothing else, I may take
them down before *I* get banned.

 

Fall for Isis | Isis Video

YT strikes again.

They removed this video,
saying it was inappropriate. :(