Life goes on...

until it doesn't.

This past week I lost a member of my family.
As I write this another family member is
in the hospital, and I am not sure what is
going to happen. It doesn't look good,
though.

It has me thinking about what I know of this
person's life. This person has lived a life
of resignation. This person has done what
they can to make the intolerable tolerable.
This person has also had 5 heart attacks.

Some say that the mind and body have nothing
to do with one another. I don't know what
I think in an absolute sense, but when I see
someone who hasn't been happy having an
attack of the heart, it doesn't seem impossible
to consider a link.

This is a person who hasn't been perfect, but
then no one is. This person did a lot for me
at one time in my life, and for that I will
always be grateful, as it wasn't something
they had to do. At the time I had wished for
more, but had to do my best to recognize what
was instead of getting upset for what wasn't.

Of course that was the logical part of me.
Other parts weren't in such great accord. :P

I don't know what is "better" the unexpected
death, like the race car driver who recently
died, or the one you know is coming. Any
which way we slice it, death is an inevitability,
even though we seem to act as though there is
always going to be another...

I watched the movie The Adjustment Bureau last
night. In it (don't read if you don't want me
to spoil anything for you) Matt Damon and a
woman feel inexplicably, powerfully drawn
together. They meet the first time in a men's
bathroom. They aren't ever supposed to meet
again, but then he runs into her on a bus.

He gets her number this time, only to be
"mugged," and he loses her number. Three
years pass and he continues to ride the same
bus at the same time hoping to run into her.

He had been advised after the second run in
that it was not part of The Plan for them
to be together. Apparently The Chairman had
a plan, and there were those who did things
like spill coffee, interrupt the internet, and
various other things that would help to "adjust"
the outcome that needed to occur - according to
The Greater Plan.

It is a movie about the exercise of Free Will.
The characters in the movie suggest that it is
just an illusion, and yet Matt Damon and his
love interest seem to prove otherwise as a way
of saying that outcomes desired by free will
sometimes take effort, and need to be striven for.

There are many pieces to the movie that make
me think. I don't know about you but I have had
moments in my life that the inexplicable happened
in the most powerful of ways. At one point in the
movie the woman says she was supposed to get
married in those three years, but didn't because
she couldn't stop thinking of Matt's character.
It does seem silly, perhaps, and yet there are
those times in life we seemingly can't let go
of something, despite how illogical it is.

Why do I tell you about this in this entry?
Because it is interesting to me that I saw this
movie at this time. We are only here for a
relatively short time. It seems to me that we
do ourselves an incredible disservice when we
do what my family member has done. So many on
their death bed, it has been said, mourn what
they didn't do rather than focus on what they
have done.

In my life I have gotten better about being who
I am as much as possible - despite what the
consequences may be. In some odd way it has
given me peace. Even as I may be losing another
family member soon I know that I have said what
I needed to express.

I feel a bit all over the place at the moment,
but I do think it all ties together in some way.
How in the world do we get to have what we want
in life, unless we are willing to express ourselves
in the words and actions that help to create the
life that we would like to have instead of the
one that has been created by the flow that seems
to have carried us along.

If we are happy with "the flow," then great.
But if we are only settling or making do then
it seems to me that there might be other things
that are worthy of pursuit. And I don't know
about you, but I think if that is the case, we
deserve to go after what we want, whether we
get it or not. Perhaps a near miss will bring
us closer to what we truly want any way.

Maybe. Maybe not. Who the heck knows? I
certainly don't. At the same time all we have
in life is our perspective. It will either
empower or disempower us, and it is our choice
which one we choose. Circumstances inherently
have no meaning, but it is how we identify
with it that gives us the life we live day to
day.

One last thought: Pablo Picasso said,
“Everything you can imagine is real.” If that
is the case, this movie could be a possible
version of reality, and it could be a message
that tells us that there are some things that
we want that we can have, as long as we act
on our desire and have a willingness to at
times pursue what even seems to be the
impossible. Even if it is not, it still
seems to me to be a message to consider.

Here's to living a life you love, and having
each day be a testament to your desires and
desired outcomes.