enjoy themselves (or so it would seem), and then one
day just stop calling.
*Poof*
I never quite know what is happening, although I
always hope that they're OK. Sometimes I figure
they may have found someone else they enjoy more.
Sometimes I wonder if they're doing what they want
to be doing. Sometimes I wonder if it is something
I said or did.
These people cross my mind from time to time, and
often I never hear from them again, and never know
why. Occasionally, though, there are those who
disappear on me only to surface several months, or
even years, later.
When they return, there seems to be a commonality
to what they're experience was:
Something happened that made them get scared, or
uneasy. It isn't something *I* have done, but rather
they are scared, perhaps, of what I would or could do.
They feel guilty for not saying anything to me, even
though I am often still very much on their mind.
They return with enthusiasm for me and my work telling
me that no one compares to me. Of course, they could
just be saying that to make me feel good, but when I
let them know that if it really wasn't the case, it's
OK, and I want to know, they still insist that it is
absolutely true.
Time and time again I tell people to let me know what
they're thinking. Even if tomorrow you wanted to
stop being hypnotized by me the best thing you could
do for yourself is to talk to me, instead of stopping
cold turkey. If you have asked me to do things to
affect how you feel about me, they may still be
operating in the background of your mind, whether we
ever speak again, or not.
I also tell people that they have to trust their gut.
If you are responding to a fear, your gut isn't
engaged, and you may not be making the best decision
for yourself. If you trusted me enough to speak with
me a number of times, then trust me enough to do
whatever it takes for you to have a good experience -
even if it is the last one.
I have to laugh when occasionally someone will tell
me that they were scared of me (even though I never
did anything harmful, but just because they knew that
I was able to affect them), and then proceeded
to call others. That really doesn't make much sense,
now does it?
If you know me at all, you know I value communication.
You also know that I find that most people have
difficulty communicating what they feel - especially
when the feelings are the strongest. It is because
I know, and recognize, these facts I ask you to just
let me know what is going on. It doesn't have to be
perfect or eloquent, but just start somewhere. Give
us a starting place.
I promise you I don't want you to go anywhere you
don't want to go, and I am not in the business of
creating destinations for me to convince you to like.
I got into this because I thought it was an awesome
avenue for pleasure, and that is the underpining of
what I do. If you don't enjoy yourself, I can't
possibly enjoy myself.
I really hope that if you are someone that I have
spoken to with any kind of regularity that you won't
pull a disappearing act on me, but if you do, please
know that I will never hold it against you, you
should never hold it aganst yourself, and that you
are always welcome to make a return.
Have a wonderful night!
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