I'm here...

"I'm here not because I am supposed to be here
or, because I'm trapped here, but because
I'd rather be with you than anywhere else in the world."
~ Richard Bach

I love this quote. It could be said of any
person in any relationship. Don't we all
want those who want us? Don't we all want
to be with someone by choice, rather than
obligation?

If you are "with" me...I want it to be
because you want to be, not because I
have "trapped" you. Even if it is just
for a few moments of undivided attention,
what greater gift is there than your choice?

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Submissive?

Anywhere you wanna go
Baby show me the way
I am open to suggestions
Mmm whatever you say
- Billy Currington

Some might hear that, and
that the guy who feels that
way is submissive. While
it may be possible that he
is, I would suggest that
some things that guys
naturally want to do in
relation to a woman are
willing, respectful and
appreciative, and only
"submissive" when labeled
that way.

Is it no wonder if that is
the predominate perception
that some guys in order to
prove they are not submissive
would be less inclined to do
those caring, wonderful
things for women that they
naturally do best.

Remember that a case can be
made for anything, and while
you may have been led to
believe you are submissive,
you may headed in a direction
that really isn't the right
one for you, trying to fit
yourself into a label, instead
of just being who you are.

It may just be you love women,
want to please them, and want
them to sometimes take the lead.

What you want and do does not
always mean it is who you are,
despite what others may want
you to believe.

The song is beautiful, and if
you have the time, it might
be worth a view.


Have a great Sunday!

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Timing is Everything?

In the last few days there have been two stories
that I have read in which tragedy has been
averted by timing, as well as by choice.

The first story was about the stage at the
Indiana State Fair. While the events were
tragic, and 5 people died, there could have
been more deaths, had the performing act
been on stage at the time of the wind gust.

The second story was about a man in New Mexico
who, thanks to an unlikely series of events,
was in the right vicinity to save a little
girl from a kidnapping.

In both cases, timing played a role, but so
did choice. The manager of the group is the
one who told the performers to stay off the
stage, even after they were given the go ahead
by others who were present. The man could
have seen the events and done nothing about
it, however he chose to pursue the van and
man who was kidnapping the girl.

What if life is full of moments that have
the perfect timing, but we don't choose to
act? What if the times we feel stuck are
those times that decline to act in regard
to the situation in front of us?

I find sometimes people who feel stuck say
they don't have a choice. While it might
be difficult to consider, there is always
a choice - even a choice to do nothing is
a choice. Just because we don't like the
options doesn't mean they don't exist.

A baseball player can choose to swing at
a pitch, or not. But he doesn't even have
those choices available to him until he's
up at bat. What he may be able to do
will have to do with his timing. He may
get a single, and be the first one on
base, or he could come up with the bases
loaded and walk. Either way his choices
get him on base, however the timing
contributes to what the ultimate outcome
is going to be.

If you hit a ball that goes to the
outfield and is caught, you may be
the last out of the game, or you may
be responsible for the winning run.

There are lots of possibilities, many
of which are dictated by the timing.
Some of which are more preferable than
others.

What are you going to do the next time
you're at bat? How are you going to
see what you have done? What if winning
isn't dictated by a particular outcome,
but rather by the fact that you just played?

So maybe it isn't timing that is everything.
Maybe it's Timing+Choice+Perspective that
makes us who we are and has everything to
do with why we sometimes feel stuck or
motivated. And just maybe it is the choices
that we make that create the timing we have.

Maybe it is not HOW life happens that is
important, but rather that it DOES.
And maybe it is not so much about what
happens, as much as it is about how we
view our world and ourselves as a result.

Maybe.

Just a thought to nibble on, or not.

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Trying to Make a Decision?

This morning I caught a piece of a radio
show in which a woman was asking for advice.

Her 36-year-old boyfriend had asked her to
move in with him - and his mother.

Apparently he is of a different culture,
and it isn't unusual for there to be
multi-generations to be in one house.

This woman seemed to be wanting some
reassurance that if she did it, it would
be OK.

What she got instead was a negative picture.
She was told that odds are she would be
in competition with his mother. It also
seemed that the person giving the advice
was negatively judging a grown man living
with his mother.

I mention this here because I think there
are pieces of this that are helpful for
general conversation.

First, this woman was doing what many of
us do - looking for something outside of
ourselves to in some part tell us what
to do. As a result she sounded kind of
confused. While confirmation can be a
good thing, what is often better is
internal clarity. If what was being
said went against what she felt, she may
also have gained clarity if she was clear
internally. She could have used the
conflict as a guide to determining what
was right for her.

If she had been asking me for what I thought:

I would have asked her what her gut
was telling her.

I would have asked her what her mind/
others were telling her.

I would have asked her what she dis/
agreed with.

I would have asked what she wanted
from me.

I would have asked her what the worst
thing that could happen if she did
things the way her boyfriend wanted,
and if she could live with the worst.

I would have had a conversation with
her about what was important to her,
and asked her if what was important
was being addressed and if she would
get it in the context that she was
considering.

I would have encouraged her to have
a conversation with her boyfriend
to make sure she had expressed anything
that she felt uncertain about.

I would have encouraged her to figure
out what parameters she needed to feel
like a move like she was considering
would be a success.

I might have even suggested a conversation
with his mother, to get a sense of what
she felt and thought and how things might go.

Depending on the answers, I might have
asked if it was possible to do a trial run.

While we often try to base our decisions
on what we think we know, it can limit
us. While there might be a possibility
that there might be issues if she was
to move in, after she has considered
all of these pieces and parts, in the
end she would never know what the
outcome would be unless she took
a chance.

There was a time in my life I took a
big chance, and part of my reasoning
at the time was that I never wanted to
wonder, "What if?" I knew no matter
what happened I would be OK because
I knew it is what I had to do.

While it didn't turn out the best, the
circumstances provided me a lot of
perspective, and has been helpful to
me and to others, and I can never say
I had any regret.

That was me. That is what I knew in
my heart, despite what anyone else
said or thought.

I would have shared this with that
woman, and encouraged her to find
her own way in a way that no matter
what happened she would be without
regret, and would do the best she
could do to create the outcome she
most desired.

If you are trying to figure something
out, these might be some things that
might be good for you to ask yourself,
as well.

We often already know what we need to
do - we just gotta listen. Asking the
right questions might just help you
identify what that is - or what it's not.

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The Reward of Communication

Last night I caught a show called "Plain Jane."

It was a show that took a woman who was
a "Plain Jane" and made her up, so she
could go meet with a guy that didn't
know that she liked him more than a friend.

She was used to being "one of the boys,"
and she was taken through some activities
to bring out the confident and sexy woman
inside.

What is the most interesting thing to me
about the show and its outcome is that the
guy she had been friends with for 6 years
admitted to her that he had had a crush
on her, but he never said anything. That
is, until she came out and told him how
she felt.

While he thought she looked beautiful, he
still liked her before her transformation.
He liked her without the dress, the
make up, and all of the things that came
out of her adventure to get to the point
of telling him how she felt.

For 6 YEARS the two of them liked the
other, but was too afraid to say how
they really felt to the other.

Interesting how it took her doing what
she did to be able to take the risk of
expressing herself, and to face possible
rejection.

It made me wonder how many things in
life go by because we don't fully
communicate how we feel. How many
times we settle for something less
than what we might have because it
in some way seems safer.

Often I am told how wonderfully expressive
I am, and how well I communicate. The
fact is I wasn't born this way. As a
matter of fact, I used to be very
ineffective at communicating what I felt.

When I think about how I used to be, it
is even a little difficult to remember
in a way that I can wrap myself around
because it is so removed from who I have
become.

If I think about it, it was like learning
a language. When I didn't know the
language - how to communicate effectively -
I was often frustrated and stymied, and
got no where fast. When I learned the
language - and was able to communicate
in a way that I felt I could express
myself and be heard - there was much
more freedom to handle any situations
and my response to them.

I learned that just because I expressed
myself, it didn't mean a single thing
had to change in my external world.
Communication was no longer a means
to manipulate a person or situation,
but rather an expression of myself.

And as such sometimes it worked within
a person's framework and sometimes it
didn't, and it didn't matter which
way it went. I didn't always get
what I wanted, but upon learning how
to more effectively communicate I was
was/am freer than I ever was to be
myself and a lot less frustrated as
a a result.

Just so you know, I still have my
moments, but it is amazing how much
easier things are when you can just
speak your mind. Even as I write
this, there are a few situations in
my life that need me to express myself,
and I have yet to do it.

So realize that it is a process,
and being that it is a human one,
it is likely to have less than
seemingly perfect outcomes at least
some percentage of the time.

So be kind to yourself...and do
what you can. There are no
touchdowns without throws, and
many more throws land short of
the goal than are touchdown
caliber. But every throw counts
in one way or another - even if
it shows one what not to do.

What fun would a game be if every
throw resulted in a touchdown?

Maybe that is why life is as it is.
Maybe it is the challenges that we
face that make it more interesting,
and ultimately more rewarding.

I haven't been perfect in my
communications along the way,
but my fumbles have helped to
bring me where I am today, and
help me to be the communicator
so many seem to appreciate.

As nice as the End Zone is, it
is only a temporary place to be.
Each day is an opportunity for
a new play and a new possibility
to discover what comes from
expressing yourself in the best
way you know how.

Every play has to start somewhere.

And the only place to start is
where you are - now. I can attest
to the fact that when you don't
know what you don't know I might
as well be telling you what I am
telling you in gibberish.

I can't tell you how many times
someone would tell me something
that made some sense, but when
it came to practical application
in my life, it made no sense at
all.

That is...until it did.

Nothing about life is set in stone,
despite what we may think, or wish
for, so while you may not understand
something today in a way that is
helpful to you, there is a possibility
that a day will come and you will
wonder how you didn't get it before.

Aren't we lucky life keeps us so
entertained, and there is no
admission charge! LOL.

As always, if you would like some
perspective, or assistance you
know where to find me.

Have an awesome day!

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Giving up or Going on?

I recently read that Lucille Ball's mom was told
that she was wasting her money sending her to
acting school.

Can you imagine what would have happened, if
Lucille Ball had just given up?

It is interesting how life twists and turns.
For one person a failure at one thing might
mean a success at another. For someone else
a failure at something will make them work
just that much harder at being a success.

Edison once said, "I have not failed. I've
just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

How does someone know which way their own
life and opportunities are going? I am
guessing they don't. Some would say if
there are a number of obstacles, perhaps
you're going the wrong way. But how do
you know that those obstacles aren't
preparing you for what is to come?

If there was a key, I would suspect it has
to do with being as much in touch with your
gut as possible. The problem is that
sometimes fear does a good job of masquerading
as your gut.

There have been many times in my life I
thought I was acting IN SPITE of the fear
("feeling the fear, and doing it any way")
when in actuality, what I had done was have
fear make my decisions for me.

It is very sneaky that way.

Knowing yourself can not be underestimated.

I was thinking recently how I spend a lot of
time talking to people about their "stuff,"
and while I find it to be something that
suits me, the thing that I am often offering
to them - the possibilities that come from
knowing oneself - is something not easily
come by because it takes a willingness and
an effort to look at oneself.

Ironically, it seems to me that I am just
as guilty. I am so focused on others, that
I don't look so closely at myself. I think
I do; but if I really step back and look,
I see how it is easy to be distracted by
what others say and do.

The world we live in is one that certainly
does need our help and our awareness, but
if we don't have a strong sense of who we
are we are building on a hollow space.

This is not to say that good isn't good,
but more to say that good with a firmer
internal sense of self, is even better.

LOL. Or so it would seem to me.

I am more acutely aware now of what it
means to start with one's self when
wanting to make a change in the bigger
picture. It is waaayyy too easy to
focus on what is going on with others.

It makes me think that news and
entertainment and gossip and games
and all kinds of things have become
great diversions from who we are,
in the guise of being the opposite.

It is no wonder, as I consider this,
that many are sadly disappointed by
what others don't seem to do in
the world in which we live. There
is only a shaky foundation, if there
is one, at all.

It would also seem to me that if I
was to extend this, that we have
gone so far to be distracted, that
we have gone into debts of all kinds
for our distractions.

Kinda gives a slightly different
feel to what is going on with the
economy here, in the States, don't
you think?

As usual, I am looking to stir
the pot. I don't think I know
what "THE" answers are, although
I sure wish I did. I'd be raking
in the bucks!!

It comes back to you and where
you are in relation to your
own self and your own life.

Are you willing to look? You may
not want to see what's there, but
at the same time, you can't clear
out what you aren't aware of.

If you're not, then you're not.

People are wherever they are.
Try to force something, and there
is likely to be a disastrous
outcome. At the same time,
when it is time for a change,
one step at a time is a possible,
and likely best, way to go.

Your ego and conscious self is
desperate to hold on to what it
knows, and it knows all too well
not to put itself under too much
scrutiny. So changing needs to
be done with great care and
consideration and love for the
part of yourself hanging on for
dear life.

It is a juggling act that we do,
and one can only hope that we,
like Lucille Ball, find ourselves
carving out a path that not only
works for us, but is also the
expression of the gift we have
for others.

I bet your gift is great.

If you need any support or help
with direction, hypnosis may help.
That, of course(?) means I may
be able to be of assistance,
as well.

Have a great (and inspired!) night/day.

Isis

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Some Perspective (what do you think?)

‎"...If we see more similarities than differences,
we become infatuated. If we see more differences
than similarities, we become resentful. But if
we embrace both similarities and differences
in a relationship, we have love."
~Dr John Demartini

Interesting to consider this in many types of
relationships - including the one we all have
with those we aren't intimate with in the
world.

What do you think?

I also think it interesting to note just
because there is an appreciation of differences
and similarities and there is an acknowledgement
of love, it does not mean that the people in
our lives need to stay there. Sometimes it
is best to love at a distance.

Often the various pieces of relationships get
collapsed and as a result, actions are confused.
I think it is important to be careful not to
use a statement like this as an excuse or reason
to settle for something less than ideal. At the
same time, its perspective may allow you to find
peace in a situation that is troubling.

Your thoughts?

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Who Knows Best?

I was speaking with a friend today who
was advising another friend (that I
don't know) on how to do something.

What she told the friend was in
direct opposition to what a "so-called"
professional had told her to do.

I say "so-called" because while some
would say experts are supposed to
know enough to know better than others,
it isn't absolute.

I remember reading a book by a hypnotist
who was doing Past Life Regressions and
when he started, he didn't even know
what was happening. In his book he
suggests/recommends that people only
work with those who know what they are
doing.

Anyone see a potential contradiction of
sorts there?

I have taken a slight detour here, talking
about experts, but it fits the ultimate
point of this post.

How does anyone know who knows best/better?
There might be some cases where/when one
might, but how often is there contradictory
information that is supposed to be right?

The key - as I see it - is to find the
solution/path that works for the person.
No wonder my friend's friend might be
confused. Someone she sees as an authority
is in opposition to what her friend
emphatically believes to be true.

It is easy to be swayed by others, if what
we are doing doesn't seem to be working, or
if someone comes along and convinces you
that you are wrong. Are you truly convinced,
or are you just swept up in their logic?
Perhaps you just want to please them, or
avoid conflict.

As often is the case, there is a cost with
not following the tune of your inner piper.
There may things that work for others, but
not for you.

Some people can smoke heavily their whole
life, and never have any lung or respiratory
issues. Some people may drink regularly
and never have any liver issues. Some people
can eat everything in the fridge and never
gain an ounce.

Some people.

I am not sure that there is a "one sized fits
all" approach to life, and yet there are some
who would say otherwise. If it works for them,
and especially if it works for many others,
then it has to work for anyone who tries it.
If it doesn't, the person may not be trying
hard enough. What's wrong with them?

Things like this happen in a grand scale with
those who market and sell things, or in a
more intimate way with those who are close
to us.

It takes a special effort and willingness to
carve out your own best way, and it may even
be a hybrid of others' best ways. It might
also be that your best way aligns with what
another believes to be true - in direct
opposition to what another says.

It may at times be easier to let someone
else tell you what to do, but the results
may not be so easy to live with. The next
time you feel conflicted about what is
best to do, consider taking a step back
and looking at the pieces, and see which
ones truly fit YOU.

Sometimes it is difficult to get clear
about what those things are. If clarity
is an issue, hypnosis and I may be
of some help. Just give a call.

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If you're going to take a stand..

I was reading that many who elect Tea Party
candidates insist that they stand on whatever
principles they stand for, whatever the
consequences.

When I heard that, the song by Kenny Rogers
came into my mind: "You got to know when to
hold them, know when to fold them, know when
to walk away..."

There's more to the song, too, saying that
every hand can be a winning hand, if you know
how to play.

While what is going on with the wrangling
in DC is not like playing poker, it is
certainly a form of game playing and gambling.

It would seem to me that what the song says
is helpful in the context of other things
in life. I would imagine that there are a
few things that are never worth compromising
on, however is this truly one of those things?

When so much is at stake, it would seem to me
that there has to be a way to broker a
compromise. Some say that things sometimes
have to break all the way for them to get
fixed. Makes me wonder if this is one of them.

When things break, there is no more bandaging.

When things break, people start to look at
other things.

When things break, what is happening has to
change, as by the nature of the breaking, it
already has.

At the same time, there are things that if we
care for them can last a pretty long time.
Some might even say "forever," or at least it
gives that appearance. The key is "taking
care of them."

Have we taken care of what we have?

When a person or ideology says "I am RIGHT,"
at the expense of other persons or ideologies,
there are going to be upset parties involved,
especially if those who say they are right
stand in the way of those who think they're
wrong.

It is difficult to know what is right or
wrong here. The hole we are in is deep.
We will however be at the effect of those
decisions for a long time to come.

I kinda feel like this is like a ship that
is on the waters. People are on it
because it can carry them. Ships and boats
are made to carry people. But then, the
ship begins to sink. The principle of
staying on the boat is no longer valid,
and someone who was adamant about everyone
staying aboard because - in principle -
ships float is going to go down and
bring everyone with him.

I know it's not exactly the same, and
if it wasn't for the standing for
principles of our forefathers we
wouldn't be here. So there are times
we must take a stand.

So my question of those who support the Tea
Party candidates - and what their desire is
from their representative - is - with so
much at stake, is this really one of those
times?

What if we truly believed that every hand
is a winner? Might there be another
way to go?

This, by the way, is not to pick on the Tea
Party, but rather is just used as an example
of someone who stubbornly refuses to make
any other choice but the one s/he is making.

In the end, we all will have those moments
in life. And it would be wise, perhaps, to
take a step back and truly consider if the
choice is an action to be taken, or a
reaction to something undesirable. If it
is a reaction, it might be leading in the
wrong direction. Actions are much more
powerful than reactions because they have
a core from which to build and refer.
Reactions can sometimes leave one swinging
in the air. Of course, an initial reaction
can create the foundation for an action.

As always, awareness can be a helpful
first step to a successful and satisfying
solution.

I am guessing one way or another things will
work out. I just hope that those of us on
this ship don't have to sink in the process.

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Trippin'

You are taking a trip, and hit road construction.
You may never get to travel the new, smooth road,
as it the creation of it will be completed after
you have gone, but you can still say you
travelled that road. Each traveller experiences
the road by its conditions at the time of travel,
and therefore each traveller may have a different
experience of the road.

If you need to get somewhere, you check the maps
and your options, and then you choose the path
that seems to be the best. Even if you just use
a GPS it, too, is choosing which option seems
best. However, you never know until you get
on the road just how things will be. Some
obstacles may have been averted, while others
are just there, waiting for you.

Life is like the road. We make choices hoping
to avert certain obstacles, but we still find
ourselves in the middle of one. And, like
travelling the road, the only way through it
is to just keep going. We're all travelling
the road called LIFE. Some of us find the
road smoother, some bumpier, for some there is
an occasional storm that obstructs our vision.
As long as we live, we need to be checking our
life map, planning, and changing plans, as
necessary.

In addition we often think that our experience
of the "road" is the same as others, even though
it may be quite different. New exits could be
added to the road that weren't there when we
were. We are unable to judge how another person's
experience of the road was, even though in life
we often assume that we know, and as a result
know what option is best for another.

Most road trips have a specific destination.
Life is perhaps not as clear cut. But like
the highway, there are signs that give us
direction, and sometimes we are forced off
the road onto another, and sometimes we have
a choice, and sometimes the choice precedes
being forced off the road.

The question rarely is whether or not we
should travel the road, but rather what
choices will we make along the way. The
choices made will determine how you wind up
at the end: Will you be irritable and
exhausted, ready to give up, or will you
be grateful for all the sights, sounds,
and experiences along the way?

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Have you ever seen yourself sad?

Have you ever been sad, and looked at yourself?

I know that is an odd question, but today I
was sad, and was taking pictures of me sad,
and with tears in my eyes.

It made me think about how easy it is not to
see something, unless we are faced with it.

Yes, we will feel the sadness, but unless we
"bathe" in it in some way, we may soon be off
to the next thing, ignoring the way we feel.

It seems to me that maybe the reason life gives
us speed bumps in the form of things we have
to pay attention to is because we didn't choose
to pay attention before we absolutely HAD to.

Maybe if we were more willing to see what was
really happening, and see how we were really
feeling, the choices we would make would be
different, and we'd be in a much better place.

Or not. LoL. Who the heck knows? I certainly
don't. But I think it is good to ask the
question at least because maybe the answer
will be meaningful in some way.

I don't know anyone who walks around taking pictures
of their sadness. But at the same time, it seems
that I was one today, and I share this with you
because we all have moments of being human that
aren't always the prettiest, or neatest, or
sanest, but they all count.

That is what I got out of this today. Perhaps in
my sharing it, you got something out of it for
yourself, or you just think me all the stranger
for it. Personally, I hope it is the former, but
if it happens to be the latter, oh well. :P

I suspect if more people were open (& felt they
COULD be open) about their hidden/seemingly
inappropriate sides, we would have a much more
tolerant and kinder and gentler world.

What do you think?

I hope you're having a good day/night.

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Love Power and Control

I keep hearing about the issues that our
government is having about the debt ceiling.
While I know that there can't be any easy,
quick fixes for the dilemma, and I also
can't possibly know what all the facets
are, there are a few things I do know.

What I do know is that when people are in
power people will likely either act with
compassion, or they will act to control.
I don't get a sense that much of the
current wrangling is about compassion.

With compassion comes appreciation. What
we have a appreciation for, some would
say appreciates. We have had an incredible
country, one that people have died to give
us, and one that other people have died to
get to.

It seems to me that somewhere along the
line we have lost sight of what we have.
To protect what we have, we must appreciate
it, and we must come from a place of Love.
With Love can come power, but power alone
can be tyranny and destructive.

"There is no reality except the one contained
with us. That is why so many people live
such an unreal life. They take the images
outside them for reality and never allow the
world within to assert itself." - Herman Hesse

Where is the HEART in the budget talks?
It seems to me that we are trying to solve
a problem mechanically, and without heart;
it is no wonder we don't seem to be able
to get anywhere fast.

Human beings seem to really need and want
LOVE at the core of who they are, and yet,
like Herman says, they interact with the
world outside of themselves in the process
of living their life.

So many things we do seem to be destructive,
unhealthy, unhelpful, and yet an argument
is presented to the contrary. So wonderful
that we are so creative, but at what cost?
Is it really worth arguing, supporting, and
fighting for a solution that might only be
a band aid to a bigger problem that needs
to be addressed?

We want a better world and better life,
and yet we keep looking anywhere but within
OURSELVES. Mother Teresa was once asked
for something that would change people's
lives. Her answer: "Smile at each other.
Make time for each other. Enjoy each other."

What if we took the time to really explore
our heart's desire, and better yet, ACTED
on it? Confucius (and I am sure others over
time have) identified the chain that ties
all of life together, starting with our heart.

Our heart -> Our family -> Our city ->
Our state -> Our country -> Our world.

And there are even more ways this could
break down, if you think about it.

In speaking with as many people as I have
the last several years, it is clear to me
that MANY are not living heart based lives.

As a result, there is much unhappiness in
their lives and in their homes. Is it no
wonder that the state of affairs in this
world that we live in is hurting as much
as it is?

If we do not come from heart, we do not
come from Love, and if we do not come from
Love, the only power we will wind up
interacting with is the kind that will
seek to control.

If you truly want to effect a change in
your life, start within. Start with your
heart. Ask it what it wants, and then
LISTEN. After the heart speaks is time
for the knowledge, not before.

Knowledge has a way of denying the heart.
We are so creative, odds are good if you
listen to your heart first, you will find
the way to use your knowledge to get you
where you want to be.

We are using what we know to minimize
our reality more and more every day.
Imagine what it would be like if we
could use it to expand our possibilities,
and create fixes instead of temporarily
bandaging our wounds.

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Trees and Perspective

I recently was reading a column by Ed Lowe,
writer for Long Island Newsday. It was
dated December 21, 1986.

In it, he described a man who had the
responsibility of getting the tree for
the family - by himself. No one wanted
to go with him.

When he came home after his adventure that
was a bit more like an ordeal of sorts,
he felt "triumphant," but was met with
disappointment. His wife even said,
"'That is the worst tree I have ever
seen in my life.'"

He mentioned how no one wanted to go
with him (good for him, as many would
grumble without pointing out that fact),
but decided that after a nap they
would find something else. When he
awakened, it was to a "stunning and
elegant" tree. In the end, they regarded
the "'tree as the best we ever had.'"

I share this for a couple of reasons.

As often can be the case, people will
leave something up to another but
then not appreciate their efforts. If
someone is going to do something for you,
it would be wise to appreciate what they
do, and/or be a part of the process. People
often do the best they can, but they may
have a different idea of what "success"
looks like.

In addition, it also occurs to me as
an example of how things aren't always
what they seem to be, how sometimes we
discount something be the way it "looks."

It was the same tree. The difference didn't
come from the tree, it came from the
perspective of those who were interacting
with it. It can go in more than one way.
It can be that something is better than
it appears, or that shiny object is only
superficially attractive, and how you
interact with it has everything to do
with you.

Life is showing us things all of the time.
The next time something happens that
appears less than desirable, consider
stepping back and looking at it, to see
what it may have to offer you. There may
be many things that are teaching us, but
we may need to step back to observe the
lesson.

Here's to the magnificent trees in
your life. :)

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Never Shortchange Yourself

I wrote this to someone several years ago.
Because so many things seem to have threads
that speak to others, I am sharing it with
you. Perhaps it will speak to you, too.

Do not shortchange yourself.

While you may have questions about who
you are...remember that who you are is
not what you do. You deserve
love beyond your wildest dreams and desires.

You deserve the respect that goes
along with it. You deserve someone who
is a true partner, someone who will not take
advantage of - or take for granted - your willing
nature, and someone who knows how to balance all
of aspects of you and your relationship, without
expecting you to compromise who you are.

You believe in yourself professionally, and it
is just as important to believe in yourself
personally.

People make the mistake of believing that what
they deserve has to do with what they have or
haven't done. The mistake you would make
would be to be one of them.

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At what cost?

I watched another Twilight Zone episode last
night. It was an episode I have often thought
about, as I have seen it before.

In it one man bets another man $500,000 that
he is unable to be silent for a year. The
second man can't seem to stop talking, and
is always asking for money, so the first man
figures he'll take the bet, but only last a
few weeks - at most. He considers it an easy
bet to win.

It is discovered that the second man also
has financial difficulties, and a wife
who apparently buys jewels the way other
women buy groceries so it only adds to
the reasons why the man would be an easy mark
for the bet that he could never likely win.

The second man is wise enough to ask for the
money ahead of time, but the first man acts
insulted, and says of course he has it; the
other man has to trust him.

The second man is to live within a glass
enclosure for a year, and you see him day
after day, month after month not talking.
The first man offers him $1000 at one point
to walk away, and then $5000, but the man
won't do it.

Finally the year is up.

Any guesses at what happens?

The first man says the second was better
than he, and he is now forced to admit that
he does not have the money everyone thinks
he has, not even close.

The second man is speechless.

But before I say why, I thought I would
share with you a few of my thoughts about
this episode.

1. The man says he loves his wife. It
would seem to be part of the reason he
agrees to the bet. Does he really love
his wife? If so, is giving up a year of
his life worth the cost? Would his wife
agree? If so, does she really love him,
or what he can give her? Is loving her
really about giving her what she wants,
and is the cost of doing that worth it?

2. There never seems to be a signed
agreement. Why was the second man so
willing to give up so much without any
assurance that he would get what he was
told? How often do we give up parts of
ourselves in the expectation that we
will get something in return, only to
be disappointed? There are no guarantees
in life, but it makes sense to choose
wisely where we give our resources (time,
attention, energies) especially if the
dynamic is inequitable or there is a
possibility of no return. Not to say we
never should do things that are inequitable,
but just that we should be aware and mindful
of our choices and the related costs.

It turns out the reason the man was
speechless was because he didn't think
he could win the bet, so he had his
vocal cords cut.

It would seem to me that when we do
what another wants us to do we can
sometimes lose our own voice, just
like this man did. He did it willingly,
for what he perceived as a reward.

We may also lose our voice - also
willingly - by bowing to another's
desire, thinking in some way we are
gaining something when in fact we
could be losing everything.

That man's life would
never be the same.

Just like how when you don't
speak up for yourself and
you lose your voice; your life
will never be the same, either.

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More Than Words | Video

Do actions "speak louder than words?"

Some people would definitely say so.
The writer of the song below would
seem to agree.

I, however, am of the school of thought
that different things work for different
people. Knowing your own "language"
helps immensely, as well as knowing the
language of those you care about.

For me - words are nice, but they don't
mean nearly as much as words backed up by
actions. As much as I would like for
words to be the gold standard, it takes
more than that for me to really feel
what a person's words intend.

The lyrics of this song convey a message
I could easily say to someone who wanted
me to feel how they felt about me. If
he really wanted me to "get" how he truly
feels, he would be a wise man to pay
attention, and even if he spoke a different
language or dialect learn to speak mine.
I, of course, would see what I could do in
regard to his, as well. I think the best
relationships either share the same language
or have the partners multilingual, both
speaking the other's native tongue, as
necessary.



What is your "language"?

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When in Rome...?

I was reading an article about how NYC has
a rule about signage being in English that
hasn't really been enforced. However now
they feel it would be to the benefit of
those in the neighborhoods and in the fire
and police services to have the signage in
a way that can be understood by those who
speak English.

It raises an on-going question about language
in this country. I remember walking through
a part of Queens in the NYC area called Astoria
a few years back, and you wouldn't have known
you were in the US. It was (and maybe still
is?) a VERY Greek neighborhood.

Another time I was on the subway, and I over-
heard approximately 4 conversations on my
ride, none of which were English, all of which
were different. At the time I marveled at how
all of these people from different places
could come together in a place like NYC.

I also spent some time in Europe at one point
and was around people who didn't speak English.
While I appreciated those who did, I tried to
learn a few words to be able to communicate in
the language of the land.

While I know there are some who might take
great objection to what I am about to say,
it seems to me that when in Rome, one should
do as the Romans do. Or, in this case, when
in America, do as the Americans do.

Of course, there will be some who will say
they are American, and not speak much English
at all. However, the country as we know it was
founded with English speakers, and has had Englist
as a predominant language for quite some time.

At the core of what I believe is a necessity
for us to be able to communicate effectively
with one another. If I was going to go live
in France, I would expect to learn the
language so I would know and understand
what was going on, and how to communicate
with others.

It just makes sense to me that we have a
difficult enough time communicating with
each other in the same language we don't
need added complications of different
languages.

I am not saying that people should forget their
own language, or stop speaking it, but when
out amongst others, it would be really great
if we had some way to communicate effectively
without having to go through hoops and
legislative and politically correct dances.

As with anything I say, my mind is open to
other possibilities. I just don't know what
they are at the moment, and present my case
based on my own experience and perspective
as well as a desire to be able to communicate
with those around me.

Interestingly, when I was in a Home Depot in
California, I was looking for something, and
couldn't find it. I asked someone for help,
and he only spoke Spanish. I could have
found someone else, but I was attempting to
step up to the challenge, and was seeing if
I could communicate in Spanish what I needed.

I was unsuccessful, and also grateful that
there was someone I could speak with and
effectively communicate what I needed.

As a tool, I'd say language has an ability to
either pull us apart or help us come together,
and it isn't so much the language itself as it
is those who use it.

If those who use language had more of a desire
to be able to be understood by (and to understand)
others, I think we could find a way to make things
work without having to resort to the negativity
that surrounds this topic. When living in the
NYC area, I had friends who spoke Spanish.
Occasionally I would try to speak to them in
their language (to help me keep what I knew and
learn more) and at times we'd speak English, and
I'd help them to better learn the language.

In this country we have freedom, and perhaps it
is in part because we are able to have a common
and understood (well, mostly) framework in which
to work. If we can't understand each other,
how well can it work, really?

I find sometimes that divisions only divide us.
I am not saying we shouldn't appreciate our
differences, but when we come together it would
seem to be to our benefit to be able to find
a workable middle ground, and that doesn't
always mean we'll be balanced. Sometimes it,
like any relationship, will seem to favor one
or the other party. Done right, though, the
resulting balancing act will be to the benefit
of all.

At least in my opinion. What's yours?

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Beautiful the Way You Are | Video

I was reading an article about how The Voice
is the Anti Idol. It raised some interesting
points, and as I thought about it, I came to
a few of my own thoughts about how the two
shows are in many ways representative of how
we "do" life.

In many ways Idol is how we try to manipulate life,
and how we try to get it to fit into the boxes
and labels we want it to be.

The Voice seems to say, "This is who I am. Take
me or leave me." Interestingly, it seems as though
people are taking to those who are making it into
the finals.

It seems to be one of the paradoxes of life that
we try to make everything fit so neatly, and yet
when we can truly be who we are, and see those
being who they truly are, there is a connection
that can be made that can't be manufactured.

I would bet that The Voice is successful (at
least in part) because despite the fact that
it doesn't "fit" the perfect mold, what it
does fit, in some way, is who we aspire to be
without the pressures to be something and
someone we are not.

The following video is one of the contestants
with a song about perspective. See what you
think:


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At what cost?

He is married, with one child.
He had split from his wife,
but had gotten back together
with her.

He admitted that, in some ways,
he took the easy way out. He
had a lifestyle that was more
than comfortable, and wasn't
sure he wanted to jeopardize
it. He had also been with his
wife for years, so he was going
with what he knew. He didn't
like the idea much about dating
again - even though he and his
wife were rarely - if ever -
having sex, even after their
reconciliation.

He said he tries not to think
about it. That also seemed easier,
and yet here he was talking to
me about it. He noticed that
despite not wanting to think
about it, it was often lurking
under the surface.

He isn't happy, and he knows it.

But he doesn't know what to do
about it. He feels stuck.

I can appreciate where he is -
to some degree. There was a
relationship that I had that I
was in and out of more than once
before the final break. The
reconciliations did nothing to
change things. Words were
exchanged, and maybe it seemed
as though things might be different,
but I think it was more wishful
thinking, and not be willing to
see things as they were that
brought me back those times.

Interestingly, when it finally
ended it was a RELIEF.

And...I wasn't even married to
the guy, and there was no child
involved.

Interestingly when this guy spoke
of his wife, he said "polite" things,
but he said nothing about why he'd
want to stay with HER. It was more
about the child, the lifestyle.

When I pointed this out, he recognized
that I was right. I asked him how
he'd feel if someone was staying with
him because of what she could get from
him. I asked him wouldn't he want
someone to want him for who he was
than what he had to offer.

I asked him if he was really doing his
child any favors. I have known of
situations in which the parents were
so unhappy - but stayed together "for
the kids" - which were troubled and
troubling situations for more than one
reason. Sometimes pretending everything
is OK and staying together will do more
of a disservice to the children.

If two people have a child's well being
in mind when acting, they will find ways
to take care of the child - at a distance.
The key is to have the core desire to
focus on helping the child, rather than
using the child as a ploy (which I have
sadly also seen more than once).

Those who are for "family" will argue
that family comes at any cost. Of course,
they won't say it that way, but they'll
have a family that superficially "works,"
on the surface, but that's it. The good
(acceptable?) appearance of things, though,
in situations like that is at great personal
expense to those who are in the
relationship.

How much are you willing to "pay" to stay
in a situation that doesn't work? To stay
in situations that don't fulfill your
most basic needs? To stay in a situation
that demoralizes you?

If you re-read that paragraph, you might be
able to tell that it can apply to other types
of relationships as well. When you are so
focused on holding on to what you got, you
may not be able to see what amazing things
you might be coming into - if you just let go.

There are no absolute answers, despite what
some may think. What is right for you might
go against what others think is right. I
know someone who says they're concerned for
how their spouse will be treated by their
family if there is a divorce.

This is not to say that the feelings of others
should not be considered. However, if they
are acknowledged to your own detriment, consider
that the value of those actions may be diminished.
Also consider that you are not responsible for
another person's experience of life, or how
another interprets the things that happens in
their life.

Many times when staying together seems to be
difficult, it is easy to look anywhere but
within. The reason for this is that if we
were willing to really look at ourselves, and
listen, we might have to make choices that
rock the boat. Ironically, if you are unhappy,
what you haven't likely noticed is that the
boat is already rocking.

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Trying to Please Everyone? (Read This)

You're never going to please everyone.

You might be one way, and a person
will feel wonderful around you.

You might be around another person
and be the same way, and that
person feels uncomfortable.

When you don't know who you are,
or feel insecure or not confident,
it may be easy to be swayed by the
winds of another.

Don't do it.

Well.
I suggest you don't do it.

The more willing you are to take a
stand for who you are, foibles and all,
the more likely you will find the people
and situations who will like you just
the way you are - give or take a little, LOL.
(No one's that perfect).

For a long time I had difficulty being
who I am, as it seemed that I didn't
really "fit." I was often the odd one
out, and yet, it seemed that people who
took the time to pay attention to me
one on one seemed to appreciate who
I was.

It is easy to wonder "what is wrong
with me?" when you don't have a clear
sense of not only who you are, but that
who you are is just perfect the way
you are.

It has taken some doing, and now I
can finally say I am OK with who I am.
It sucks when it doesn't fit, but
at least I don't try to make it fit,
try to change, and I lose less energy
over it because I can walk away faster.

Coming to that place has helped me
when carving out my place in the
erotic, hypnotic world as well as
in personal ways, like when I have
profiles on dating sites (where
all kinds of anonymous guys have
given me "helpful," conflicting
advice, and where I am told how
wonderful I am in one email and
how scary I am in another, LOL).

Sometimes I am even at the point
of laughter when someone tries to
tell me how to be (a complete
stranger, mind you) in the guise
of being helpful.

Interesting how - without awareness -
the world in which we live we believe
to be THE world. Of course then it
would help if the world would conform
to our way of looking at things.

Why is it that we haven't yet gotten
the idea that there is no ONE world
and no ONE way of looking at things
that works for everyone? Why does
that seem so difficult to attain?
We have example after example of how
that DOESN'T work.

The wind's blowing yet again...are
you going to be blown by it?

Have a good night.

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